#made the lil ears floof

[lexicorp]

Finn and Jake scroodles ~

[dhampling]

little love girl!dadstarion, <1k

He doesn’t consider himself a clingy parent.  He just endeavours to spend every waking moment he can with her. - dadstarion watches dhampling sleep for a lil bit and has some thoughts about life. floof. wc: 724

Astarion watches her as he sits, legs tucked up under him; with a chalice on the endstool to his side. 

Despite his current book being one he’s looked forward to indulging for a while, he can’t lose himself in the pages quite yet. His eyes skim and reskim now familiar paragraphs while flitting to the small child asleep on the lounger. 

The room is full of impossibly green tangling plants, and glows shades of orange in the late candlelight; incense blooming from the clay holder on the sill. A small trinket dish full of corvid gatherings. The boarded shutters, the curtains parted at either side; the painted mural in place of the window. Lanterns of coloured glass spilling forest greens and oranges soft.

Elven-pointed ears twitching, the occasional small shuffle. Each and every sleepy inhale and exhale from her tiny little body feels like a victory.

He doesn’t consider himself a clingy parent. 

He just endeavours to spend every waking moment he can with her, hence her resting here now; in the den room, instead of her own well-loved bedroom. A wayward spider on the ceiling had turned into an evening of storytelling - a journal filled with tales of Grizzle the Arachnid in her spiky young hand. 

She’s swaddled in a big patchwork throw he’d made early into his freedom following the fall of the Absolute, just as the idea of tailoring had come to mind. The stitching is a little skewed in places but the untrained eye would glide right over it, he’s sure.

He could carry her up the iron wrought spiral staircase and tuck her in - and likely will soon - but being able to sit and just observe feels like an indulgence. A rare treat. 

A small part of him - he would never admit - was hopeful before her birth that she’d be his little nightling, although any lingering wants were blinded by unbridled joy at her ability to bask in the sun. He’d never expected the gaping hole in his undead heart at being unable to pick her up from a day of schooling, though. 

He trances through it every time, or he fears he’d disintegrate trying it on big occasions. Her first day, missed. Many more to come. 

He frowns. 

He does stay awake to do her hair each morning before she heads off, though. Before she’d even reached her first birthday he’d sequestered away a book on Faerûnian Braids from the Night Market; her ringlets barely presenting then now flourishing atop her dozy head.

You. She looks like you.

Astarion’s heart pangs. 

He misses you terribly. Dramatically. Wants to creep up the stairs in the style of Nosferatu and bite you in your sleep, fondly; doze the night away with his incisors reverently just beside your neck. His paramour. His well-bitten darling. 

Sometimes, he reads the gaudy vampiric fiction novels slighted from the market and hidden away in one of the rafters when clients leave the shop earlier than expected. He thinks one day he’ll play into the notion - the skulker, the grand gestures, the one who stole his heart - then realises his life is wholly a mirror of the pages.

Gah. He’s a cliche. A horrid cliche. He shakes his head yet can’t find it within him to do anything but smile.

Nothing about this feels horrid. 

It feels normal. Real. Home is home and it is the safest place in the world.

The dhampling stirs, stretching among the throw and rolling her tiny wrists. A small yawn tumbles from little lips.

“Darling?’

Astarion shuffles his leg from under him and turns his book, resting it on the lounger. Moves to kneel beside her.

‘Sweet thing. Come along, now.”

Her eyes open slowly. She looks at him with reverence. Her father. The balm of rest settles as a haze in this cosy room and nothing has ever felt so good.

Father. Him. Awful, nasty, terrible him. She could’ve been one of them, roaming the underdark in eternal childhood in another lifetime. He decides he won’t allow the thought to pass.

“Can you carry me?” She whispers, lifting her arms above her head.

“If I don’t; I fear we’ll be traipsing those stairs all evening, little love.” He speaks softly and gently lifts her sleepy self onto his hip.

She doesn’t understand his quips yet. She will, one day.

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Danger Force Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 4: Villains' Night (SMUT)

Season 1 Masterlist

Click for vibes

*Just a lil smutlet to start us off. I know it's short, like 1500 words, but I've been trying to be a bit more concise. Like, do people want to read 30,000-word chapters? Probably not, so I'm economising. And I'm like exhausted. I am genuinely so tired, but I want to get this out so you guys can enjoy it. 

First, we have this meme I saw on Tumblr and edited to fit our doofus and sweet girl cos this is so them-coded:

SECOND! I was messing about with ChatGPT, and when I asked it to try writing some DF fanfics, it instead summarised the show and well...let's just say AI doesn't watch Nickelodeon. 

I love this summary. I vote that we change the show so Schwoz has laser hands. 

Anywho--smut is starting. Don't read if you're anti-filth or young. I will not be held responsible for anything. Soy inocente. 

He really was a sight for sore eyes. 

Ray Manchester was hot. No questions. End of story. He was God-like: made from chiselled muscle, supple, golden skin, and gorgeously floppy hair with a face made by angels. In uniform, out of uniform, tight t-shirt or no tight t-shirt, he was handsome, and the world knew it. He knew it. But there was only one person who he truly loved to hear it from. 

He closed his eyes and groaned, hips snapping to bury himself deeper, floof falling into his vision with each punch of effort. His nose scrunched, lips pursed, eyebrows rumpled together, biceps bulging near his ears; he looked good like that. More than good. Really fucking hot as a shimmery sheen stuck to his wrinkled forehead, gasps falling from his mouth with each...heavenly...movement. 

And if he was in heaven, there had to be an angel. And there was. 

She was perfect--but when wasn't she? She cried out for him so sweetly, pressing her palms to his clammy chest and abs, rolling her hips into his; he couldn't ask for more, yet he did. Begged, even. She was sweating too, warmed by the close heat of the room and the mid-morning sun streaking through windows. Another morning where they'd lost themselves in the moment. 

How long had they been at it? Two hours? Three? Maybe even four? He'd lost count, merely remembering that he'd woken up to his sweet girl staring at him--admiring, as she excused. She looked so pretty, snuggled up in his embrace, kissing along his neck before he could rub the sleep from his eyes. He knew he wanted her, but he didn't know how much. 

Once wasn't enough. They had a break after the second. Now, they just had to fuck once more. He didn't care if it was a school day, if someone had already knocked on their door once, or if it was quickly approaching lunchtime - his wife was beautiful in the yellow light, and he was insatiable. 

"Fuck, doofus!" And so was she. 

(y/n) smirked as she panted rapidly, exhausted without leaving her bed, but that was okay. Her legs could ache, her arms could feel like jelly, and her pussy could throb, but she wasn't stopping. Not for the world. Not when she had a God beneath her, bound and broken from her swivelling hips. 

Ray was so hot - a sight for sore eyes, especially when he submitted to her like this. Experience had told him that giving her a little confidence and room to experiment got him off quicker and harder than anything else, so he relented his dominance and penchant for rough play and gave her some space. 

His arms were slung over his head, wrists tied to the headboard with a red tie stolen from his closet when he was resting from fucking her through the mattress. She looped the material around him before he could protest, and seeing her straddle his abs was more than worth it. (y/n) loved looking down and seeing her husband smirking back at her, his thick torso laid before her like a goddamn feast as she guided him to her cunt. 

Everything was slower this time from lack of energy, but no less passionate. She rode him like a queen, swirling her pelvis, skin slapping skin as she left red crescents on his chest with her nails. She was glad to take the third round, giving him time to lie back and enjoy himself as his previous releases made everything slick and easy, smeared down her thighs and his. 

"So good for me, doof..."

"Feel so good, precious girl." They gasped together, sharing a breathless brush of a kiss when the heroine bent in half to reach his lips. Hot air passed over her lips as Ray fought to hold her hips, make her move faster, squeeze her tits--anything. He wanted to feel his wife fully; was that a crime? 

But she pulled away, grinding against his lap, enjoying how his cock rubbed against her walls. She wanted to enjoy the final moments of their lovemaking, fingertips exploring every ridge of his abdomen and pecs as he whined underneath her. He rarely allowed her such luxuries, letting her suck and nip on his neck and collarbones, clenching when he moaned at her sharp teeth digging in. 

"Being so good for me, Ray..." she moaned, hunching over and smooching his shoulders as he growled, aching to hold her. 

"Yeah? 'M good for you, sweet girl?" He replied softly, hating how well she tied the knot, but her praise softened the frustration. As much as he wanted to hold her, have her spread underneath him, and do it his way, this was perfect. He lived to please her, and gaining her praise was deeply satisfying, seeing how she smiled softly upon taking in his toned, tanned body. 

He was gorgeous, sighing, groaning, moaning, succumbing to his fate, knowing he existed for her. 

"Mm-hmm. Earned this for being such a good boy last week..." she grinned, gently stroking his abs to calm him down when she flashed back to those traumatic events. 

Miriam and Percy were gone, and so was Ray's beloved hair. Instead of the chocolate floof, all (y/n) had to stroke and admire was his gleaming bald head, which felt weird under her lips when she kissed his head affectionately. Understandably, he was distraught, hiding in her embrace. No one could see his baldness, but thankfully, a salve from Schwoz quickly saw the floof growing again. 

She breathed a sigh of relief - she needed something to pull when he was fucking her through the mattress. 

"And sucking me off the next day wasn't my reward?" Ray grinned, bucking his hips into hers as he recalled how brilliantly sweet she was that night. Following the world's longest nap, he sobbed after glancing in the mirror; she rubbed his back and assured him it was fine. She loved him with hair or without, and he didn't complain when she got down on her knees to prove it. 

God, that was a good night, sagging against the wall in the Man's Nest while she slurped and choked on his cock. It was a little weird to look up and see him with a buzz cut, but she could just close her eyes and let him use her - a cocksleeve for his enjoyment. And he didn't worry about it all night, bruising her body with his sheer passion, leaving them exhausted again but utterly satisfied. 

"I could stop if you don't want this..." (y/n) teased, body thrumming with hazy, soul-shattering pleasure. Planting her hands on his stomach, she doubled her efforts, slamming her cunt on his throbbing cock when Ray's gaze darkened. 

If he could, his hands would be on her hips, throwing her underneath him, keeping his precious wife where she belonged. Her pussy was his second home, his second favourite girl, and she took him so well. How could she even hint at stopping? 

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Love you, doofus," the heroine giggled as she kneaded her chest, giving her husband a show as she rolled her nipples between her forefinger and thumb. His half-lidded eyes watched with hungry, wanting to take her tits in his hands and mouth--to love her properly. But he relented, an agonisingly warm softness blooming in his heart when she spoke those words so reverently, honest and true. 

"Pretty girl...fuck, I love you more than anything," the hero promised, tugging at his restraints, desperate to take her in his arms and fuck her properly. He wanted to love her, feel her, and push himself in as deep as he'd go until he was permanently one with her- until it took. 

That damn tie was too tight, making (y/n) giggle as she leaned down again to kiss him, hips writhing and bucking together to chase a nearing high. It would be intense and soul-shattering, but they needed it, burning with love, lust, and longing as her lips clumsily trailed across his cheek. She lightly bit his jaw, breathing hotly into his ear, sucking on his earlobe before whispering...

"Cum with me."

He wasn't one to refuse his wife, swearing he'd pull the stars from the sky if she desired them. But this was easy, squeezing his fists together as they stilled and groaned. He filled her easily, pumping endless ropes into her awaiting pussy as (y/n) screamed, wondering which number that one was. Maybe three or four - thoroughly fucked by her doofus as she collapsed onto his chest. 

Everything was hot. The room. Their bodies. The man she married. She didn't dare move, scared of pulling away and spilling the precious cum coating her walls, so she nuzzled into his damp skin, kissing his chest. Ray was equally fucked, wrung-out and smug when he rolled his hips, fucking himself deeper, and pulled another gasp from her lips. 

They never cared about the world in those quiet moments after, connected on more than a physical level. It was a man and his wife, a woman and her husband, and no one else. Nothing else mattered, not even when the door creaked open, and a fuzzy little head poked around the corner. 

"The kids are waiting downstairs. When you're ready. After the smoochy-smoochy...so...hurry up!"

Poor Schwoz. He'd been waiting over an hour to approach them, straying closer to their door, only to hear such unholy noises escaping through the cracks. He backed away and came back, backed away and came--an endless cycle of trying to say that Danger Force was waiting downstairs, but he was terrified. 

Seeing his boss hazy-eyed and tied to his bed was one thing: arms slung above his head with a band of red silk keeping him still. Hearing one of his oldest friends shriek and seeing her pull a wrinkled sheet up to her chest was another. But, almost certainly, he'd never recovered, nor would he ever be able to wash the imprinted image from behind his eyes. 

Schwoz was mortified. (y/n) was horrified. But Ray? He was fucking delighted. 

*And we're safe again. Enjoy the rest of the chapter! I actually really like this episode (especially since DF as a whole is a bit shit :)

"We are so late!" (y/n) hissed as she and Ray raced to the school, barely rubbing the sleep from their eyes. It was true; they were so late, oversleeping and rolling around the sheets until the sun was high and well past mid-morning. Well, not that the doofus cared, strolling behind his beloved wife with a dorky grin. 

He was happy--annoyingly pleased with himself for discombobulating such a perfect and precious girl. Her Miss Danger uniform was haphazardly thrown on, slightly rumpled and creased from their sprint to the tube. At the same time, he casually buttoned his tunic and zipped up his pants, leaning over her when they paused to go downstairs. 

For someone who'd done nothing but keep her in his bed all morning, he was surprisingly touchy, wrapping his arms around her, smooching her neck as (y/n) flicked through a file - everything the kids needed to learn today. She wanted to focus on some minor, simple missions that didn't involve fire, explosions, or death, but that wasn't easy when her husband wriggled into her arms like a needy child. 

"Doofus, I'm trying to read!"

"Can't a man love his wife?" Ray cooed, arms draped over her shoulders as she tried to shuffle along the corridor, which was much more difficult with the man-baby weighing her down. 

He pawed at her tummy and arms, hoping to hold her tight and retain her warmth and happiness away from the world--and that wasn't easy with a cup of coffee in his hand. He needed the caffeine after such a...rigorous start, although he was confident that his precious girl would end up drinking most of it. 

As much as he...vaguely liked the children, they could be so annoying, and that morning, like every other morning, he wanted her all to himself. Was that so bad? They never got a day off together and only recovered from last week's exhausting mission. Those little demons were knocking on his door again, banging on about learning. It was so overrated...

"The man has been doing that all morning," (y/n) sighed, subconsciously leaning into his affections since his lips felt so ticklish on her neck... Despite everything, she loved the attention, taking the hand off her hip to intertwine their fingers as they walked along. 

"And I love you, my pretty wife..." He smiled, hunched over in what must've been an awkward position to walk since his chin was resting on her shoulder. They stopped, hovering in the closet as the kids' voices grew louder on the other side of the wall. It made the adults freeze, instinctively pulling away from what Schwoz would call the "smoochy-smoochy". 

God, he was still embarrassed, walking around with red cheeks and wide eyes, avoiding the couple like the plague once they shouted back to him and left their bedroom. No one knew where he was now, making (y/n) and Ray wary of where the fuzzy weirdo would pop up next, which made the hero grumpy. If it weren't for him, they might have gotten that day in bed...

"I know, Raymond..." she replied softly, petting his head when he hugged her close, wanting the quiet, solitary moment to last forever. "I love you too."

"...You don't think they'll miss us for another half hour, do you?"

"Yes. Definitely. And if you come near me again, doofus, I won't be able to walk." He pushed his luck, drifting his touch down her back toward her butt, only for his wife to stop him. 

As much as she liked the thought of that...she was tired. Aching. Slightly sore. It was nothing her super-regeneration couldn't handle. Still, they had things to do, so no matter how much Raymond pouted, she stood fast, chastely pecking his cheek when his fingers narrowly escaped skimming her ass. He'd have her beneath him all day if it were up to him, and that was more of a vacation thing, not a mid-week, school day thing. 

"You know how to flatter a man, sweet girl," Ray grumbled, sighing but squishing her cheeks together as he captured her lips. True to his word and her request, he refrained from turning it dirty, humming appreciatively at her taste before pulling away to straighten her pretty uniform. Had he told her how gorgeous she looked that day?

"Mm-hmm. I know how to flatter you. Come on..." she giggled, taking his hand as her ears warmed under his soft, gooey-eyed stare, guiding him to the door. 

With the file perched open in her hand, they entered the room, smiling brightly as they faced the bored, dejected children. At last, the teachers had arrived - a mere three hours late - and they headed for the lectern, acting like everything was perfectly normal, even as four sets of eyes scrutinised their every move. 

They were scattered around the room, Mika fiddling with something, Chapa dozing at her desk, wearing a cowboy hat, Miles eating a snack, and Bose working through a box of doughnuts. They'd run out of things to do whilst waiting for the adults, having heard nothing more from Schwoz, save that they were busy and on their way. Whatever busy meant. 

"All right, simmer down, everybody! Let's cut the chatter!" Ray told the kids firmly as he took the thick file from his wife's hand and dumped it on the podium, ready to read what juicy crimes they had today. He wanted to command the room and avoid awkward questions, but he only worsened things like usual. 

"No one was talking..." Mika replied flatly, wondering what the guy was talking about--except for being high and mighty like normal. She looked up from the blaster she'd been inspecting and eyed the couple suspiciously, wondering why (y/n) looked so tired after a relatively quiet night. Few emergencies, no criminals, very little to do - what had they been doing?

"Yeah, man. No chatter to cut," her brother agreed, smirking slightly when (y/n) nudged her doofus, pouting and begging for a sip--or rather, gulp--of his coffee. And like the soft idiot he was, Ray gave it to her, acting like her thirst annoyed him, yet he brought the cup to her lips. What a simp...

"Hey, (y/n/n)...You get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning? Your hair's all weird..."

"Oh, she got out of bed this morning, only it was Ray's side!" Chapa hissed snidely to Miles, earning a few giggles around the room as they knew something of the truth. It didn't take a genius to work something out, and they gagged and groaned at the thought of their teachers doing snuggly, cuddly things in bed. 

Their chuckles and rude toilet humour comments made the woman glare, dryly raising an eyebrow over her stolen coffee while subtly patting her hair. Perhaps it was a little frizzy, ruffled from being Ray's pillow princess, and the hero wouldn't have any slander. If those jokers really wanted to know, he liked seeing her like that...she looked so very naturally beautiful. 

"Well..." he said sharply, speaking above whatever they found so funny when (y/n) returned a trickle of coffee. "I kinda had my heart set on telling you guys to cut the chatter, so... Can we come in again? And, maybe, hear some chatter?"

"I didn't realise we were here to meet your needs..." Miles retorted, slowly chewing his jammy doughnut and swirling the liquid in his polystyrene cup. He matched the man's glare, knowing he was fond of his wife, being the simp he was, but they were just poking fun... It wasn't their fault they'd landed themselves in a real-life rom-com. 

"Well, guess what? You are," Ray told him, equally biting as (y/n) clung to his beefy arm. His uniform made him look so handsome; how did he look so...put-together?

"Then, we can do that!"

"Great. We'll come in again. Let's go, doofus!" She smiled at them before ushering her stubborn lover out of the room. As he sipped whatever coffee she left him, disappearing into the closet, the kids erupted into forced, vociferous chatter, talking loudly across the room as if they were more interested in their dealings than schoolwork. 

Behind the door, the couple waited a few seconds, counting ten seconds specifically as Ray swept his wife into a breath-taking kiss. His free arm curled around her waist as he held the file close to his chest, although he'd rather it was her. Still, (y/n) stepped closer until their navels touched, seemingly starving for that bubblegum mint until they had to pull apart. 

In another beat, they reentered the room, following a smooth rhythm as if they hadn't shared a secret tryst behind the wood, falling into the racket without another word. Although, maybe one final fleeting glance at each other. 

"All right, calm down, everybody!"

"Let's cut the chatter!" (y/n) shouted with her doofus, unaware of his game's point. Still, he seemed satisfied now, sauntering back to the lectern with the faux exhaustion of an overworked teacher. But the kids didn't stop, suddenly lost in their conversations. They weren't mindless rabbles anymore but excited chats about whatever teens talk about. 

"Hey! The doofus said to cut the chatter!" She told the kids, feeling her husband press himself against her back as he smiled gently. She was so hot when she took charge, commanding the classroom with such wit and intelligence...he was in awe. 

"All right, M-D. What ya got for us today, Cap?" Bose asked, placing his feet on the desk as the children took their seats, simmering down to politely play attention like good students. 

"What we got is a big, steamin' bowl a' crime chowder. So, grab your spoons--let's eat!" Ray grinned, particularly proud of his metaphor, especially when his sweet girl giggled and gave him one of her pretty smiles. He was such a dork, slamming the thick file down so he could read out the crimes; only Mika had been busy...

"I digitised all those papers for you and uploaded them to the smartboard," she told them as her friends barked like excited dogs, earning a pleasant grin from (y/n) when she turned and noticed all the information on the screen. Whilst it made their lesson plan redundant, she supposed it was easier, knowing everyone could see the details rather than them reading it out. 

"Aw, thanks, Mika!"

"Oh, well...what am I supposed to do with these?" The hero asked with a pout, holding the stack up since the papers were now useless. He turned to his beloved wife, seeking her judgement since she was usually so wise in these situations, even if the solution was obvious - he just wanted an excuse to gaze into her eyes. 

"Recycle them, doofus?" (y/n) suggested, removing a speck of non-existent dust from his uniform, fingertips trailing down his chest as she smirked. Ray broke into a huge grin, taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles as he chuckled--like something was funny. 

It made her frown, wondering what amused him so much when she was just trying to be helpful. He didn't like seeing such an ugly expression on her face, making him smooch harder, but he couldn't help it - such a silly suggestion.

"Absolutely not, darlin'! You're so cute..." 

"Throw them away?" Bose proposed, still reclining as the man cooed over his wife. He liked that idea much more, lighting up the room with his pearly grin since that made much more sense. Just throwing them in the trash would require less effort, and everyone knew recycling was a myth.

"Better! 'Scuse me, sweet girl..."

"What?!" The heroine gasped, frowning deeply as her husband scooched past and dumped the stack of papers into the regular trash can, utterly ignoring the waste paper basket beside it. They fell with a hollow thump, much like (y/n)'s heart, as she sighed and shook her head, spotting Mika's similar reaction - those girls lived in a world of goldfish. 

"Burn 'em?" And it only got worse with Chapa's suggestion, egging Ray on because who didn't like fire? 

"Best!" Ignoring his wife's facepalm, he grinned as he pulled the laser remote from his belt and zapped the documents. Instantly, they burst into flames, the warmth and glow spreading through the room, bouncing off the walls rather cosily, and the girls supposed it could've been nice if it didn't fill the place with an ashy, burning smell. 

"Seriously, doofus?" (y/n) sighed, watching the flames lick the air as Mika helpfully went to fetch her a fire extinguisher. The man perched himself on a small cabinet, taking her into his arms as he set her on his knee and pecked her cheek affectionately. 

His grin was infectious, pulling at her lips as she stood between his parted knees, mirthfully shaking her head. He was an idiot, but he was her idiot, looking too damn handsome for his own good as the kids admired the flaming spectacle. 

"Recycle them! You're so funny, sweet girl... I'm so glad I married you," Ray murmured, gaze flickering to her lips before finding them. They smiled into it, feeling the ghosts of their wedding rings on their fingers, where they would be under their gloves if they weren't in uniform. 

Meanwhile, Mika found that fire extinguisher, unlocking the plastic housing on top as she brought it over to (y/n). Even if it broke apart their clinch, the blaze needed putting out, so she abruptly separated from her husband with an awkward cough. 

Despite often losing herself around Ray, acting like a schoolgirl crushing on the hottest guy on the football team, she tried to refrain from jumping him whenever the kids were around, even if she wasn't always successful. So, as he plucked a pencil from behind his ear and bizarrely dropped it into the flames, she chastely pecked his forehead one last time before turning to her little helper. 

"Okay, crime time..." Ray announced, clapping his hands and getting on with teaching once he lost his wife's warmth - the fire was no match. Mika returned to her seat once (y/n) had the extinguisher, watching as the man began his so-called lesson while she blasted the fire with the white smoke, smothering the flames. 

"Somebody stole a garden gnome off some old lady's front yard..."

"Oh, come on, doof. We can do better than that..." (y/n) commented as she breezily hobbled past, thinking they were above dealing with petty crimes like teenage misdemeanours. They had to leave something for the cops to pick over. 

"Let's see...somebody hit Scary Gary in the head with a garden gnome--Oh. Actually, those two might be related," Ray hummed, seeing some connection, but it still wasn't spicy enough to be worth their time, practically sending the kids off to sleep on their desks. 

One quick squeeze later, (y/n) extinguished the fire, making a mental note to find a replacement trash can later since that one was all melted and smoky. She walked back to where they stored the thing, noticing how her husband's eyes slid down her spine when she brushed past him, obviously lingering where her skirt met her thighs. 

"Get to the good crimes!" Chapa suddenly barked, snapping Ray out of his daydream of soft skin and thick flesh, remembering that he was teaching. Thank God for the podium...

"Okay, gimme a sec, gimme a sec..." Ray muttered sheepishly as (y/n) returned to his side, flicking through dozens of petty offences, some more tedious than others. "Somebody stole all the books from the Swellview Library. Pfffft!"

"STOLE BOOKS FROM THE LIBRARY?!" Honestly, the couple didn't think it was such a big deal, heads jerking up in alarm when Mika abruptly pushed her chair back and slammed her palms on her desk, glaring menacingly. 

If looks could kill, whoever made the mistake of nicking those books would be dead, even though they thought the kids wouldn't care. After all, kids don't read these days... But she wasn't the only one; terse looks penetrated the smartboard from all of them, including the kids they assumed wouldn't care. Mika, bless her, was a little nerdy compared to someone like Chapa...

"Someone's gonna fry tonight!" But even she was furious, looking slightly ridiculous in her black Stetson, fists sparking with scarlet electricity because she apparently cared about the library. Although, (y/n) would bet she'd never stepped in it once. 

"Are you guys serious?" She asked, exchanging a confused glance with her husband when he paused over the next crime. It was almost laughable, swearing they were pulling their legs - Captain Man didn't read unless it was with his head in his sweet girl's lap as she dictated one of her romance novels whilst playing with his hair. 

"Of course we are!"

"Libraries are a treasure trove of infinite knowledge!" The Macklin Twins replied in wonder-filled voices, more enchanted by a simple library than anyone would've ever thought. Mika was understandable, and Miles and Bose were perhaps a little far-fetched but interested in books, but Chapa? That was a surprise. 

"And adventure!" Bose couldn't help but add, grinning cheekily as he mystically waved his hands. He wasn't bright, but there was a book for everyone - and he loved the picture ones. 

"What?" Ray scoffed, glancing at all of them, but he didn't see anything to suggest a prank or elaborate joke. 

"Stealing books from the library is not just a crime against one person," Mika explained, looking at the adults like it was apparent, a weird, determined grimace on her face. She wasn't just thinking about glorifying crimes; she saw the bigger picture, and so did her brother. 

"It's a crime against the whole community!"

"And it will not stand!" Chapa bellowed, ripping the cowboy hat from her hand and slamming it down on her desk in a rage. By then, all the kids were on their feet, staring at their teachers, who still couldn't quite believe it. Were these the same kids who begged them to take them on incredible, exciting missions? The ones who were so eager for danger they caused a city-wide crime high?

"Okay, please tell us there's some sick turn coming," Ray said tentatively, barely able to focus on how his wife squished his bicep because he hated libraries. So dull and tacky. He preferred to defer those calls to his underlings, hopefully, the police, but they didn't laugh, call their bluffs, or shout sike! Their glares were steely and resolute, nails digging into palms at the thought of whichever scumbag stooped to stealing books. 

"Only thing comin' is vengeance."

"And adventure!" At least Bose was cute, still caught up in his musings on adventure - a stark contrast to his friends' harshness. 

"Because we love the library!" Miles insisted, almost teary-eyed at the thought of losing such a precious building. It was ridiculous to see him get so emotional, rowdily banging his fists in protest, and (y/n) saw that they were getting nowhere. She wasn't thrilled about it either, except maybe she'd pick up another cheesy novel, so she fluttered her eyelashes at her lover, knowing he'd need convincing. 

"Well, doofus, the crime's already in our shopping cart. Let's just hit checkout," she sighed, pointing at the screen in what was supposed to be a fun, quirky way to get the kids engaged in choosing their missions. She thought it was cute, giving Ray her brightest smile, squeezing his huge arm, even if he returned a bored, joyless face. 

"God, sweetheart, we're surrounded by nerds..." he groaned, but how could he refuse her when she looked so pretty? Glancing back down at his PearPad, he hit the library crime tab, pulling open a page about the brief information they'd received, and it still didn't sound fun. "All right, give me a second to read the details..."

"Okay, let's see... Okay, look! They didn't steal all the books. They left like ten copies of that one," the man pointed out when he saw the crime scene photo - a quick snapshot of one of the shelves, which still had a few novels propped up in the middle. He didn't see the fuss until one of the kids looked closer...

"Hey, what book is that?" Miles asked, squinting at the screen because he swore he'd seen it before. It looked so familiar, and it wasn't until Ray zoomed in that they all realised something tragic. Hilarious, but tragic--well, it was if you were its author. 

"It is...Oh. My. God." Sitting there on the shelf, much to Ray's bitter disappointment, were ten copies of his book. His autobiography. Dozens of pages about his favourite subject. Himself. Thousands of words about Captain Man's life, hopes, and dreams, how he became a superhero, what he did in his free time, how he scored a beauty like Miss Danger, and it was all there for the citizens of Swellview to read. Because some philistine left it behind--probably on purpose. 

All the colour drained from his face before a deep scrape poured back in, and he slammed the tablet on the lectern as his wife and students bit back chuckles. It was a bit funny - the irony of it all - but (y/n) tried not to show it, instantly smushing herself into his back as the hero stared at the humiliating insult, jaw clenched and eyes hard. 

"Is that you on the cover?" Chapa asked, even though it was unmistakably Captain Man. He had the mask and everything, looking all smug with a stupidly long title since he could never stop bragging. Yeah, it was definitely his book. 

"Yes."

"And they left it there?" Mika asked, too, trying to remain sympathetic and kind, but it was hard. The situation was funny, not that anyone could tell Ray that. 

"Yes."

"All ten copies, doof?" (y/n) cringed, stroking his back to try and be comforting, but it didn't really help. Nothing could soften the blow of being so deeply insulted by some two-bit criminal, and Ray wasn't the type of man to take such abuse lying down. All he could do was stare at the floor and try not to cry in front of the kids, knowing they were already amused - they'd never let him forget the day a bad guy made him sob. 

"Yes."

"They literally stole every book in the library except yours?" Miles sniggered, rubbing salt in the hero's wound. He was intentionally mean, seeing the irony more than he did. Still, it burned Ray's soul, making him want to bury his face in his wife's neck or hide under their bedsheets until a millennia had passed. Anything to avoid the shame. 

"Someone's gonna fry tonight!" Ray snarled, his face screwed up in anguish and fury. No one, save his pretty girl, knew how hard he'd worked on that damn book - and literacy wasn't his strongest suit - angering him enough to make him want to squish something small. So, he did. 

His fist came down on the plate of doughnuts from Miles and Bose's little picnic earlier, finding the squelch of the pastry under his hand deliciously satisfying. The brutal blow made it look like a pancake, squeezing the jammy filling out like some kind of sugary cannon, and unfortunately, Bose was its target. 

A sticky, red blob hit him in the neck as Chapa cheered, ecstatic about gaining permission to electrify some no-good hooligans. Yet, she quickly frowned when her friend stumbled back. The jelly trickled down his uniform, clinging to his skin, but (y/n) barely reached for a tissue when the colour drained from his face--like he'd taken a fatal jam bullet to the torso. 

"I'm hit!" He groaned before collapsing, playing every bit the wounded soldier as Chapa looked down on him in disgust, wondering what all the fuss was about. 

"Relax, it's just--"

"This is the end for old Bosey..." the boy sniffled breathlessly like the wind had been knocked out of him, even as Mika and Miles gathered around his near-corpse, trying to soothe his grievances. "Confession time! I'm the one that stole that garden gnome."

"Well, Holmes, another case solved," (y/n) joked, smiling up at her husband with a dorky grin as Bose relaxed against the floor, going all floppy like he'd breathed his last. 

Ray giggled with her, nuzzling their noses until he found her honeyed lips - an entirely inappropriate reaction for such a sombre moment - if the kid had croaked it. No matter how long he kept his eyes closed or how much his tongue lolled out of his mouth, he wasn't fooling anyone. Certainly not Chapa, who watched in utter disdain. 

"Dude, you're fine. That's jelly," she retorted dryly, and miraculously, Bose's hand, stiff with rigor mortis, curled up to his neck to dab at the sticky substance. He licked his fingertips, lips twitching upwards when the pleasant sweetness caressed his tastebuds, and Bose decided death wasn't on his list so soon--not when the jam tasted so good. 

"So it is! Raspberry, if I'm not mistaken!" He grinned, looking as vacant as ever as they all sighed. 

Still, he wasn't as weird as the trash can, sitting quietly and innocently while it spontaneously bursting into flames without much warning. The fire came out of nowhere, spooking the group since (y/n) had definitely doused it with the gas. Weird - what kind of gag was that?

"Uh-oh! Hot can!" Ray remarked as he watched the bin smoulder, forcing his beloved wife to retrieve the extinguisher with a long, tired groan. 

"That thing does not want to stay out!"

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd just recycled like a normal person, doofus," (y/n) grumbled as she lugged the metal cylinder across the room, fully intending on emptying the damn thing if it meant the fire would be put out. And, of course, as she worked, the others laughed, thinking it was hilarious that their trash can defied physics or whatever--since they didn't have to work to stop the place from burning down. 

"We also wouldn't be laughing, darlin', so I mean..." Ray replied sassily, cackling with his fellow hyenas as the woman paused before the blaze, pondering her next move. 

With one hand on her hip, she narrowed her eyes at her husband, knowing he wouldn't find it funny for long when she played her trump card. Her sharp glare made the children shrink back a little, more scared of her than they were of the idiot in the red and blue spandex, dampening their spirits as Ray batted his eyelashes. 

He was an idiot, but at least he was a pretty idiot. An adorable idiot, worthy of an empty threat, as (y/n) smirked and jutted her hip out, never leaving his eye. 

"You'll be laughing tonight while sleeping on the couch."

"No, sweet girl!" Now, that gave them something to laugh about. 

~The Man's Nest~

Upstairs, the team had assembled to track down their prey now that they'd caught the scent. 

They were looking for a scumbag who wasn't below stealing books from children, old people, and every other vulnerable person in the city, but that didn't really narrow it down. Who knows what lowlifes were lurking in the shadows? 

The kids didn't really want to find out, looking to their teachers for guidance as they loitered around the room--or, in Bose and Miles' case, stretched together on the floor, foot-to-foot to really pull those lower back muscles. Luckily, though, whoever this jerk was, he'd made the mistake of forcing Captain Man's hand, making the man his enemy, and God, the guy was angry. 

Not even (y/n) could soothe his temper, quietly observing his pissed-off pacing around the room as he imagined he would beat the crook's ass one hundred ways. No one messed with his book and got away with it, no one made him look like a fool, and no one, not even some smart Alec little bastard, stole all the romance novels before his precious wife got to read them all. 

What would she do in the bath if she didn't have a book?

"All right! Who's ready to break some teeth?" He growled as he twirled a rope-like weapon in his hand, threatening to whack someone's eye out if he wasn't careful. 

"Always!" Chapa replied immediately, squirming eagerly on the couch because that sounded like her type of fun, and it wasn't often she was allowed to truly release some anger on the criminals, no matter how scummy they were. Something about morals--whatever (y/n) thought they were. 

"Ready in a bit!"

"Just gotta do a little stretching first!" Miles and Bose added, still in their shared teddy bear pose as they leaned forwards and backwards, enjoyed how their spines cracked and relaxed with each gentle stretch. Still, it made their teacher impatient, sticking out his bottom lip and practically stamping his foot as they remained on the floor instead of following orders. 

"But I want to break teeth now!"

"We don't even know whose teeth to break yet," Mika argued from her seat at the mini-supercomputer, flicking between PearPads as she researched who it could be. Still, there were a lot of bad guys in Swellview. It could've been any of them, and she didn't know where to start. 

On the other hand, Ray was particularly smug, stomping over to her with his arm roughly thrown around (y/n) 's neck, presenting her to the girl with a proud smirk--and not just because he got to marry her and she didn't. 

"Wrong! I just uploaded a list of the most likely suspects. Tell her, sweet girl!"

"Um, Mika, if you'd just..." (y/n) smiled awkwardly as her doofus nudged her encouragingly, if a little impatiently. As he crowded her, seeking affection, the girl humoured her, tapping the screens a little until she found the list the mad had made. 

It was long--really long, and not very specific, including names ranging from the big baddies like The Toddler and Doctor Minyak to those not even worth their time like Jeff or Mr Nice Guy. Hell, even Chapa was there for some reason, much to the heroine's frustration. This was why she didn't let her husband write the shopping list--he'd come home with God knows what. 

"Doofus, this is literally every criminal in Swellview." She frowned, squinting at the list and gulping at the thought of roaming the city to find them all. Surely, the books were above The Toddler's usual crime habits. Yet, Ray just looked pleased with himself, squeezing her in his embrace since he knew how much she loved his updated uniform and how much bigger it made him feel. 

"Yeah! Plus, a couple of people I just don't like."

"They're scattered all over town! It's going to take us ages to get through them all," she added, giving him a sceptical glance, but he just shrugged. 

"Well, we better get going. We got a long night ahead of us, and I want to be back here, watching a movie on the couch with my wife by two. Hope you're wearing your teeth-breaking pants!" The hero growled, taking his pretty girl by the hand and turning toward the door, hoping to burn through the list so they could enjoy a quiet night together—fat chance. 

"One of those dots is me!" Chapa called out, standing up when she read her name on the screen. Her face contorted in anger and offence, knowing that her boss had counted her amongst the scum - robbers, criminals, those he didn't like. But honestly, Ray wasn't ashamed, not even when (y/n) quirked her eyebrow at him in a mini-glare. 

"Well, where were you last night? Huh?" He asked accusingly, snarling at the girl as he doubled back and marched up to her. "Out stealing every book in Swellview except mine?!"

"Calm down, doofus..." (y/n) soothed him, wincing slightly when his relatively calm tone turned cruel and sharp. She knew he was upset, but she wouldn't let him be nasty, noticing how a pang of hurt passed Chapa's face, utterly disgusted at such an accusation. 

"I don't steal books! I'm not a monster!" She bit back, folding her arms and staring at him from the couch. He wasn't a harsh man by any means - his wife would vouch for his deeply ingrained kindness - but his tendency for rudeness genuinely wounded the girl. Did people really see her as someone who'd stoop so low?

"We'll see..." the man muttered, admitting defeat for now as he turned his back on her, petting his wife's head like she were a cat. They slunk away, Ray content to let his lover fuss over him since she was so good at distracting him, and that allowed the kids to think with interruption. 

"I got a better way to find the criminal," Mika said, eyeing the couple as her friend pecked her husband's nose, bringing a sickly saccharine smile to his face - so adorable, it was almost disgusting. 

"Better than spending six to eight days walking all over town, collecting criminal teeth to get that sweet, sweet coin from the Tooth Fairy until we randomly happen upon some random criminal that admits to stealing the books? I'd like to hear it!"

"You've got to stop watching those True Crime shows, Ray..." The heroine shook her head, knowing he was getting carried away again and letting his inner child run rampant. Still, Mika brushed over it--in the right while he was in the wrong as always. 

"Well, you know that place, The Beatin' Dungeon?" She questioned smugly, and the couple instantly had flashbacks to happier times. 

It was months ago, making (y/n) smile at the thought of her last family reunion and how her then fiancé--which was so weird to think about--nearly worried himself sick without her in his arms. It was so bad that he needed a pick-me-up, growing bored with his day-in, day-out fights against the same-old criminals, so he signed up to fight some loser. He never thought he'd find common ground with The Toddler, but it was almost magical - Henry Hart's work, of course. 

Just thinking about the kid made their smiles sour, and the woman made a mental note to try and call the kid whenever she had a free minute--just to see how her babies were doing. God, she missed them, sharing a brief, teary glance with her soulmate, and she knew he was thinking the same. Happy times...

"I barely know where I am right now..." Bose replied honestly, not jokingly, bringing them back to reality, and four new kids needed guidance. They had a job and quickly moved on from memory lane as the boys stopped stretching and got on their feet. 

"The Beatin' Dungeon is this place where villains and heroes get together to fight each other for fun," (y/n) explained, leaving out the bits where her doofus failed to secure a decent opponent despite being Captain Man. It wasn't her style, a little crude and brutish to brawl for fun, but others thought differently...

"Sweat! When do we go?" Chapa asked excitedly, hopping off the couch with an eager readiness to start breaking faces; a fight club was precisely her idea of fun. 

"Tomorrow night. It's Villains Only Night," Mika replied, giving the girl a confident smirk after researching the supercomputer, unlike Ray, who was all action and had no brains in her eyes. Yet, the man wasn't entirely clueless, rolling his eyes and scoffing when he heard her glorious master plan. 

"So?"

"So, we get Schwoz to make up some bad guys costumes..." Miles supposed, seeing what his sister had planned, although they'd need to find the genius in whatever hole he crawled into. He was still strangely mortified for some reason...

"We head down The Beatin' Dungeon..."

"And adopt a rescue dog that we bring home and say, in a way, he rescued us!" Bose finished, happily concluding his friends' scheme, although he'd gotten a little lost. They all looked at him with tired, if slightly bemused, expressions, wondering how they could be angry at those dimples, even if he were such hard work. Still, though, (y/n) perked up at the news of a puppy...

"So close..."

"Was he?" Miles murmured to Chapa as they both cringed, clueless about what went through that boy's head. Surely, it had to be filled with cotton wool; grimacing at his simpleness as Mika awkwardly carried on. 

"Or...we hang out and see if any criminals are bragging about stealing books from the library," the girl suggested, glancing at Ray and (y/n) for permission, and whilst the man looked slightly bitter for not thinking of something so clever, his sweet girl grinned and nodded. 

"Sounds good to me!" The woman exclaimed as Miles and Chapa agreed, keen to go somewhere dark and dangerous--to mingle amongst the criminal throngs and intercept their enemy in his den. They loved the thrill of it, especially if it meant wearing a weird costume. 

"Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some Captain in it!" But Ray had other ideas, sticking his cheesy grin in the mix, even if it made the kids' faces fall. 

"I don't know what that means..."

"Me neither." Mika and Chapa remarked dryly, giving the hero a confused look as he swaggered like a testosterone-fulled peacock. Instead, they looked at (y/n), hoping she'd translate whatever he was saying since she spent every waking minute with him--loved him, even his...more annoying parts. 

"He thinks he has an idea..." she told them, hovering by her husband and squishing his beefy arm, curling around her waist and bringing her flush against him. Something about him looked extra handsome from that angle - perhaps extra tall, broad, or rugged, looking down at her gently before giving the kids a stern gaze. 

"Also, about that puppy..." She fluttered her eyelashes and raked a palm down his chiselled chest, using all her tricks to try and persuade him that Bose might be onto something there. She'd always been a sucker for cute puppies, even though they were perfectly content with Colin the rabbit. 

"We're not getting a dog, sweet girl," Ray told her firmly but kindly, following up with a sweet kiss on her pouting, honeyed lips. He wanted to give her the world, but that sounded like hell, cleaning up after another animal with all the younglings crawling all over their home. It broke his heart to say no, but (y/n) didn't take it personally, satisfied with the kiss for now, even when he pulled away. 

"Aw..."

"It means..." Ray said to Danger Force as he tried to move on, stumbling slightly when his wife reached onto his tiptoes and planted a clumsy smooch on the stretched expanse of his neck. He gulped, shivering at the ticklish sensation as Chapa and the boys grimaced, with only Mika thinking their affection was mildly romantic as the heroine pulled away with a besotted expression. 

"It means it's up to me to point out that nobody ever goes to Villains Only Night. Check out their Fakebook page," he told them, tapping on the PearPads before finding a sad, lonely social media account with little to no followers or traffic. It was just saddos on bar stools, drinking their sorrows away as they waited for something fun to happen, not that it ever did. 

And was that The Lawn Ranger Ray saw? God, seeing that weirdo again sent shivers down his spine from the mere thought of his loser aura. 

"I thought of that, and I have a solution!" But Mika had it covered, grinning at the sceptical hero as his arms shook around his sweet girl with smug laughter. There was no way...

"Pfft! A better solution than spending six to eight days walking all over town, collecting criminal--"

"Yes, doofus! We're not going through that again," (y/n) interrupted, clamping her palm over his mouth so he couldn't repeat his rant. His lips pursed against her, pecking her sensitive skin, making her giggle, but at least he shut up, going limp and soft in her arms because who was he to talk back to his beloved wife?

"We just have to offer something else that everyone loves," Mika said like it was simple, and even Ray couldn't agree with that. 

"Like face painting!" And for once, Bose was helpful, and no one could say they saw something wrong with the lighthearted, childish, and harmless. Even villains loved the face painting, so the girl quickly typed it into the Fakebook page, advertising the new activity for all to see. Meanwhile, Chapa and Miles rambled about their favourite designs, something about cute squiggles on their eyes and cheeks. 

"Wait a minute--that's not gonna work!" Ray remarked as he embraced his wife, but the replies flooded in when Mika sent the post. Dozens of criminals, villains, and general scumbags instantly commented their support, pledging they'd attend Villains Only Night for the face painting - the most brilliant idea yet. 

"It seems like it's working, doof..." (y/n) whispered to her lover, giving him a soft smile since he'd been proven wrong - his worst nightmare. Still, he wasn't a sore loser...too much. 

"Fine! But where are you gonna find somebody to paint faces, huh? For free!?" He asked, sneering at Mika since he didn't want to fork out for such a simple mission, not when he could spend that money on something much more deserving, like his wife. 

But Miles had other ideas. Getting to his feet, the boy threw his head back, inhaling deeply before he released an ear-shattering bellow--loud enough to make everyone jump, and the walls felt like they were shaking. 

"SCHWOZZZZZ!" He screeched to the heavens, and low and behold, the fuzzy little coconut appeared. He'd been hiding in an alcove in the ceiling, strapped snuggly in a harness so he could read Ray's beloved book in peace without any more incidents. God, it was still burned into his eyelids, a faint blush dusted over his cheeks as he descended from whichever nook or cranny he'd been avoiding his boss in. 

"Yes?"

"AHH!" Everyone jumped, yelping when he dropped down out of nowhere like a goddamn bat, making (y/n) cower into her doofus' arms as he frowned. So, that's where the little weirdo had hurried off, licking his wounds because he couldn't knock. 

"Can you paint faces?" Miles asked calmly, despite how rapidly his heart pounded. 

"Yes." Schwoz nodded - one of his many hidden skills, although he wasn't sure why the boy wanted to know. He'd had enough shenanigans for one day. 

"For free?" Mika questioned further, smiling brightly at the genius, even though she wasn't sure why he wouldn't look in her direction. He wouldn't even glance toward Ray and (y/n), knowing he'd turn a deep red if he made eye contact, so he stared straight ahead, at one of the kids, or at the propped-open novel in his hand. 

"Yes."

"We need you to go to The Beatin' Dungeon tomorrow night," Chapa instructed him, and the guy readily agreed, hoping to get back to his book. It wasn't like he had much else to do. God knows he didn't fancy wandering the Man's Nest halls again after what happened a few hours earlier, so he nodded casually. Sometimes, it was just nice to be part of something, and painting faces sounded fun. 

"Ho-kay!" He smiled before tapping a remote control in his pocket and rising into the rocky crannies above their heads to read in peace. It was like he couldn't wait to leave...and why did he look so pink?

"You gotta make us some bad guy costumes, Schwozie!--Please!" (y/n) added, calling after him despite how awkward it made her feel. Ray had no shame, smirking at how shy his nosy handyman was when he openly nuzzled his wife's hair, but at least she had the decency to use her manners. If he was embarrassed, she was mortified, remembering how he must've gotten the full show for ten seconds before they realised what was happening. It made her face feel like lava...

"Ho-kay..." his meek response shouted back, burying his burning nose into the pages of Ray's early career before those horrifically vivid memories returned. 

"And you gotta let us adopt a dog!" Bose shouted, nudging (y/n) as she giggled and nodded enthusiastically, much to her husband's exasperation. Two against one was hardly fair...

"No-kay!" 

"Fine! But if I steal another garden gnome to fill the void inside me, it's your fault!" The boy snapped harshly before whipping around and storming out of the Nest--throwing an utter tantrum, much to his friends' confusion. 

Well, at least Schwoz was on his side, even if he'd spent the morning burning bed sheets and scrubbing the walls, floors, tables, and chairs. Who knows what had been defiled? He certainly didn't want to think about it. 

~The next day~

Sometime later, Schowz had forgotten about his blushes. Of course, he'd never forget the embarrassment, avoiding eye contact as he dashed around the room, but he had a job. He couldn't prepare their covert mission if his eyes were on the floor, so he soon jumped to it, fiddling with God knows what as the kids ran riot around the room. 

They were bored, numbingly so, almost bored to tears by the time he was nearly ready, prodding and poking (y/n) as she patiently waited for their disguises to be finished. Schwoz's unique gumballs took time, but finally, they were ready, making Miles bound up to Bose as the long-haired boy relaxed in the chair near his mini locker. 

"Bose! Get over here! Schwoz is giving us our bad guy costumes!"

"Swet! We bad guys now?" He asked, quickly standing up and following his friend as he tossed his headphones into Chapa's chair since he didn't need them anymore. 

The girls gathered around, too, having sat around the couch table, nattering about this and that--mainly gossiping about what Ray was like behind closed doors. Even the surly girl couldn't help but lean in close when Mika asked if he was a sweetheart. However, she regretted her choice when the heroine gushed about her ever-loving husband and all the beautiful things he did for her - supposedly. 

"No, we're still good. We just need to look all mean and evil," (y/n) explained, petting the boy as he smiled pleasantly, looking slightly confused. As if they'd ever stoop so low...the thought of all those dark and angsty clothes and rude attitudes made her nose wrinkle. 

"So, we can go undercover to Villains Only Night at the Beatin' Dungeon..."

"And find whoever stole those books from the library," Mika and Chapa explained, even though they'd run through this fifty times. It was like he never learned or didn't listen, or perhaps he was just a bit slow. 

"Okay, cool! I just came up with a great bad guy persona for myself..." Bose noted as Schwoz slowly came over with a tray of five glowing gumballs, all coded with whatever outfit he'd assigned for them. It had taken him hours to perfect his craft; the kid's suggestion was late and awkward. "I want to be...Bad Bose!"

"That's definitely bad, but not in the way you're thinking," Mika retorted, trying to spare his feelings, even as they chuckled at the terrible name. It made him happy - Schwoz, on the other hand...

"Oh, I'm not thinking at all. That's my secret..."

"It took me all night to make these bad guy gumballs, so the rule is you get what you get, and you don't get upset," the genius told them, barely glancing at the woman, but he stared at the children. They were more likely to complain since (y/n) didn't have a single argumentative bone in her body, not after he'd seen more of it than he ever wanted to. 

Danger Force argued otherwise, building up their expectations for their big night, and their costumes had to be good. If Schwoz had given them something awful, he'd hear about it. 

"No frowny-making, no head-shaking, no bellyaching, no offence-taking. You just chew and blow, and off you go!" He said curtly, hoping to get some peace and quiet whilst they were out - a chance to get the trauma he'd witnessed out of his head. He strolled along the lineup, handing each superhero a gumball with their assigned persona, and they all peered at the funky candy suspiciously. Would they really be satisfied with what he'd chosen? 

There was only one way to find out: swallowing the gumball and chewing quickly before blowing their bubbles. Much like when they transformed into their super-suits, the costumes materialised them, ranging from creepy to cool to downright weird. Everything was dark, sharp, and dangerous, with thick makeup and crazy wigs shielding their identities whilst giving that criminal aesthetic. They definitely looked like criminals - it was almost scary. 

"Nice..."

"What have you done to me?!"

"Love this!"

"I look so angsty..." There were mixed responses, with Chapa and Bose loving their new looks, while (y/n), Chapa, and Miles weren't so impressed. They walked the path of righteousness, and looking so evil wasn't their style, especially when the boy's outfit looked so...kooky. Like some kind of psycho hillbilly, Miles looked ridiculous in a bright red shirt and overalls with a silly little brown cowboy hat and, worse, a long, frizzy, coarse beard, which was so long it went down to his knees like a hairy waterfall. 

"You are Weird Beard...because your beard is weeeeeeeeird," Schwoz giggled to himself, tugging on Miles' thick, glued-on facial hair, much to the boy's annoyance, especially when he heard the mockery. It tickled his face and pulled on his skin, not to mention how it caught between his legs and nearly made him trip, so indeed, he could've come up with something better than that. 

"Dah-dah-dah--what did I say?" But he couldn't complain when Schwoz shook his finger in his face, angered by how he threw his head back and groaned loudly. 

"I mean, I love it," Miles replied dryly, looking less than in love with his costume, but what could he do? He'd just have to look like some hick in his country-style clothes and ignore how much he hated the weird, irritating beard. 

"Good!" Schwoz smiled before moving on to Mika, who looked particularly frantic with her hideously malicious-looking costume. 

(y/n) had never seen her in something so dark and creepy, what with her all-black, all-denim jeans and jacket covered in strategically placed barbed wire. It wrapped around her legs and looped around her waist before crossing her chest in an intricately dangerous design that would scratch anyone who came too close. It even snaked into her hair - a tall, crazy wig that stretched to the ceiling, thanks to three cans of hairspray. 

Her makeup consisted of smoky eyeshadow, black lipstick, and delicately painted tattoos, spooking everyone who saw her, including herself, and she freaked at the thought of being so...mean. 

"Why is mine so scary?!" She asked Schwoz in a panicked voice, feeling miles away from her usual bright, cheery, approachable attire. 

"Because you're a villain--The Mangler!" He told her like it was obvious, having said that they needed to look scary, so he made her look terrifying. Honestly, some people were so ungrateful...

"I know, but does it have to be this scary? What if I was something like...The Pretty Bad Pony?! Or just...The Pretty Pony?--" She rambled, praying for something pink, glittery, and girlish, but Schwoz ignored her. He brushed past without another word, leaving her disguise as it was since she was meant to look devilish, not like a My Little Pony. 

"You're The Mangler! This is your mangling stick..." he told her firmly before passing over a disgusting-looking lump of wood. It was like a snatched plank of wood, so splintery and rotten that he needed to wrap a bandage around the end to protect her soft little hands. That and the other end was riddled with rusty nails and more barbed wire, which would undoubtedly give anyone tetanus if they were scratched or pierced by the macabre shards of metal. 

"Is this dried blood?" Mika gulped as she inspected her signature weapon, only to feel the sticky, smelly substance smeared on her fingertips, and she knew blood when she saw it. Where and what had he been doing with it?

"Yes, it will dry eventually." The thought could make her vomit, but he quickly smiled at Chapa, who didn't look too different in her terrifying clothing. 

"You are El Stabador..." he explained, gesturing to her black jacket and breeches, which looked like an emo matador costume with brassy buttons and smart, patent leather shoes. But there were metal spikes on her shoulders, half a demonic skull face painted on her face, and her hair had been styled and sprayed into a spiky quiff. So, coupled with her usual terrifying scowl, she looked terrifying, much to her delight since everyone always insisted on looking so cute and cuddly. 

"¡Claro que sí! Y mi destino es--" She grinned, calling upon her inner Latina since these were the clothes of her ancestors, not that Schwoz gave two shits. He quickly looked at Bose, who had to be the strangest out of the kids, wearing something that could've only come from the genius' diseased imagination. 

"And you are a Yerban Santa Claus, who takes to us from kids, then punches them," he described to the overjoyed boy, who loved his freaky getup. 

He got to wear a thick, furry suit that made him look like half-man, half-bear, except for his wild, bushy wig, which protruded two curled horns. His face looked hideous, changed into a horrifying snarl, thanks to thick white face paint, arched eyebrows, and a prosthetic nose. No one could ever see through the disguise, and he even freaked (y/n) out a little bit as she hovered beside him. 

"I can do that. Do I get a bloody stick?" 

"Yes!" Mika nodded quickly, instantly offering him her mangling stick before it made her sick, and it nearly took off Bose's fake nose as she waved it under his chin. 

"Watch where you wave that thing, guys..." (y/n) remarked as she jumped back, scared to take a nail to the eye as Bose twirled it through the air like a magic wand; only she'd need more than witchcraft to patch up whatever damage that thing did. Her costume was cute yet creepy, a subtle order from Ray since he didn't want his sweet girl to be too far out of her comfort zone, so Schowz had gone down a classic horror movie route. 

"(y/n), tonight, you will be Doll Face..." Schwoz told her without meeting her eye, a faint blush dusted on his cheeks as (y/n) clutched a morbidly gory teddy bear dotted with blood and gouged slightly to look extra scary. It was like something from a slasher film, and she felt like another person as her palms sweated in her black gloves. 

But that was her whole aesthetic as a frighteningly creepy little girl, clad in her gothic, lolita dress, knee-high mesh stockings, heeled boots, and a black wig, plaited into two braids that hung beside her drawn, gaunt face. Her lips were painted a deep red, and there was a teardrop and a heart stained on her skin for a toy-like effect, completing her possessed dolly appearance. 

"Hopefully, never again..." she muttered as she smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles in her skirt, ignoring how Schowz skedaddled away before he could look at her too much, cheeks flaming with mortification. God, he needed to get over himself; what did he think married couples did when they had a few hours to themselves?

"Okay, time to head to The Beatin' Dungeon..."

"Hang on, we're missing our resident doofus." (y/n) stopped everyone before the genius could shove them out of the door because, as much as everyone thought he was an idiot, she knew his strength and experience would be invaluable as they entered enemy territory. And, speaking of the devil...

A loud, shrill, cawing sound came from the hallway across the room, seeming like a bird with a sore throat was trapped behind the steel door. Of course, it was just Ray, who was over the moon with how ridiculous and bizarre his specially designed disguise was. 

He'd made it himself, but that didn't come as a surprise as the door slowly ascended to reveal his...bird costume. Like some kind of feathered Batman, he had a thick, dark hood over his head, which cast a shadow over his masked face since he didn't want to risk anyone recognising him. His nose was made to look like a hooked beak, matching the long, greyish-black feathers stitched onto his sleeves to give him a bird-like appearance. Well, a bird wearing a brown waistcoat and slacks, that is. 

"Oh...I forgot about Ray," Schwoz grumbled as the man dramatically revealed himself, much to (y/n)'s, even though she didn't like how creepy everyone looked. She skipped over to him, throwing her arms around his shoulders, uncaring of his need for dramatic flare since it had been a whole hour since they'd rolled out of bed, and that was the last she saw him. 

But, as much as she wanted to embrace him, hold him close, and kiss him, Ray was a little too into his new role. 

"Ray no longer exists. He's been re-hatched...as Hawkfist!" He growled in a throaty voice, looking effortlessly cool and mysterious with his makeup and hood, but his name, attitude, and vibe...they were tragic. And (y/n) pouted as he boldly stood before her, brushing away her arms when she went for a hug so that he could pose and scowl like some wronged vigilante with a tragic backstory. 

"Doofus!" She complained, looking petulant in her childlike attire as she stamped her booted foot and crossed her arms to the backtrack of his shrill caw-caw! He was so busy trying to convince everyone that his outfit was cool that he didn't think twice about his beloved wife, not even as she pursed her lips and frowned, scuffing her heel against the ground. 

"Hatched? So...you were once an egg?" Miles questioned flatly as the children stood there with Schwoz, unimpressed and unresponsive, save that they felt a little sorry for (y/n) as she pouted, jilted and lonely. 

"I guess," Ray replied, having not really thought anything through except he wanted to be mysterious and foreboding. 

"And if you're re-hatched...that means you hatched twice?" Chapa added with a slight smirk when she realised how stupid his character was and how he stumbled when they pointed it out. There was no arguing with him, but God, he was so easy to wind up. 

"If that's what I said, then yes," the hero sniffed, trying to stay calm under pressure, but they kept going. 

"Do hawks even have fists?" Mika asked, folding her arms as she ridiculed him without mercy--anything to make him antsy since he upset her friend when all she wanted was a little affection. Perhaps that was petty, but that outfit was awful, clearly something from his mind and not Schwoz's.

"This one does."

"So, who were your parents?" Bose furthered, prompting the hero to become properly annoyed with their incessant questioning when he really didn't know the answer. 

"I don't know! A hawk and a fist--why don't you guys shut up?!" He growled defensively, hands still clenched by his face, although he didn't feel as epic now. If anything, he regretted his costume choice, wishing he'd gone with something that made more sense, but it was too late - the mockery didn't stop. 

"Because we have a lot of questions about...this," Miles retorted, vaguely gesturing to all of him--the entire weird ensemble. 

"There's no time. To The Beatin' Dungeon! Caw-caw!" Ray declared, desperate to avoid the awkward situation as he clawed the air and shrieked that awful shriek. 

It was loud enough to deafen everyone as he flapped toward his sweet girl, suddenly overcome with the need to hold her in his arms after an hour apart. He'd had his moment of glory, and now, he focused on her, beak-like face turning into a smile as he went to embrace her and find those honeyed lips. Yet, to his surprise and almost disgust, when his hands found her hips, she pushed them away and stubbornly stuck her nose in the air. It was a shock to all who watched, not just the baffled hero. 

"Sweet girl? I wanna kiss..." he mumbled, leaning in again with hooded eyes and a voracious hunger, but (y/n) was in the mood to play. Even if it was slightly childish, she wanted to teach him a lesson for leaving her hanging, no matter how much she craved his lips against hers. 

"Sorry, Hawkfist, but I only kiss my husband," she replied firmly, but there was a hint of teasing behind her tone. His face fell in disappointment and confusion, which slightly tugged on her heartstrings, but she stood fast, even when those big, warm hands rubbed her hips suggestively. 

"But that's me...we got married." Ray pouted, hugging his beloved wife closer as he reflected on his life's best, most precious day. He waited years to make her his, so to be denied what his heart truly desired was devastating. 

"You said Ray no longer exists. I suppose that makes me a widow, right?"

"Never." His reply was instantaneous and absolute, his grip tightening on her skin as his brow furrowed. He'd never leave her, and he wrinkled his nose at how she so obviously teased him, looping her arms around his shoulders and grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Of course, their wedding rings would still sparkle if they wore them under their costumes, and he hated how everyone poked fun at his choice. 

"I'll kiss my doofus," (y/n) declared, withholding her lips when he tried to lean in again by using her fingers as a barrier. He kissed her palm instead, making her tummy tingle, and the children rolled their eyes at how disgustingly affectionate they were. She was adamant that she'd kiss the man she married, her beloved Ray, especially when he did that silly voice. 

"That's me."

"He doesn't speak like that. Do you need a lozenge or something?" She retorted upon hearing his husky, Hawkfist tone, thinking it sounded like he had a sore throat, even if the slight possessive note made her gulp. She loved whenever those baritone notes of his hit her ears, how he teased her, and how he whispered such loving words, none of which was the same if he kept playing the role. 

"I want a kiss, sweet girl..." the hero demanded sternly, now craving her honey more than ever, although it still eluded him that he'd unknowingly ignored her first advances. He wasn't a patient man, but (y/n)? She had all the time in the world. 

"And I want my husband, so I guess we're at a stalemate."

"Guess so..." He shrugged, settling for a mere peck on the forehead when she flat-out refused, giving a steadfastly stubborn and challenging look as he gazed down at her. Still, he noticed how her eyes fluttered shut when his lips met her skin, and that was enough to tell him of her love and how this was just a game. Perhaps it would make everything sweeter in the end, but nothing was more precious than her...

"You'll want one soon, though, pretty girl. Caw-caw!" With one final shrill - since he couldn't get what he wanted most - Ray took off with a slight pout, skipping and flapping his wings as he headed to the door. It was pretty comical to watch, given that he was a grown man prancing around like a child. Yet, when he ran toward the mountainside without slowing down, it was painfully obvious what the doofus planned to do. 

"Wait, Ray, you can't fly, you big doofus!" His beloved wife cried after him, and it delayed him a little. She was the only one he'd ever wait for, but even so, in his pouty, doofy state, Ray didn't have his thinking hat on. 

"Ray can't--but Hawkfist can! Caw-caw!" He growled determinedly, keen to show them his costume's brilliance, but it couldn't work miracles. For all his talents and prowess, not even Captain Man could sport wings and fly, not even to impress his sweet girl. 

"Raymond! That's the mountain! Don't be a doofus all your li--oh my god!" She yelled, yet it was too late. Ray was too far gone, leaping through the doors without a second thought for safety or his friends' advice. No, it was a great idea...until his indestructible, if squishy, body took the first blow on the steep, craggy rock face. 

The first cries of pain reached their ears, and it was more than (y/n) could bear, forcing herself to hide her face in Schwoz's shoulder. 

Damn, their embarrassment; she hated the thought of her doofus rolling down the mountain like a bouncy ball, no matter his indestructibility. He smelled like engine oil and paint - like every handyman she'd ever met - and it was oddly comforting, especially when he kindly wrapped a friendly arm around her shoulders. Chapa found it hilarious, struggling to smother her giggles in front of her friend, but (y/n) only heard her lover and his anguished cries. 

Remind her never to withhold his kisses again, although she'd definitely kiss his boo-boos better. Anything for her doofus. 

~The Beatin' Dungeon~

This place never changes...

(y/n) thought to herself as she immersed herself in the dark, dirty, dangerous converted warehouse that was The Beatin' Dungeon. It had everything a villain could want: spare rooms for evil rendezvouses, a grungy, rundown bar, plenty of fighting gear, and enough space for criminal misdeeds. 

They could whisper and plot anything in the shadows without worrying about the cops infiltrating the premises. No one got past the guards at the front door, who scrupulously turned away anyone they deemed a goody-two-shoes. No superheroes would pass the threshold on their watch, allowing their villainous colleagues to gather in their swarms on the inside. That is, if six supers didn't sneak in...

God, she remembered everything about The Beatin' Dungeon as she stuck to Ray's--or Hawkfist--side, dodging every mean, ugly mug that glared her way when they navigated through the swathes of people. She barely liked parties as it was, but this was way beyond her depth - pretending to be evil, enjoying it even, but he commanded their chitchat effortlessly. 

Ray was a natural, probing and interrogating every asshole who dared to get in his path as the children followed his lead. With a hand on the small of his wife's back, the hooded hero and Doll Face mingled politely, trying to dig deeper whilst keeping an eye on Danger Force. There were three very simple rules: don't hit the bar, don't get caught, and don't die. (y/n) didn't think that was much to ask as she briefly hugged each kid and sent them off, stressing to her doofus that it was like sending lambs to the slaughter--into the lion's den. 

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, look, that woman's looking at Chapa funny--I should go over there and knock her out--You know what? I'mma knock her out--"

"Sweet girl..." A calm, reassuring voice broke the heroine out of her ramble, and she glanced up to see her husband giving her a warm gaze. It didn't look right with his sharp makeup and dark hood, but those crystal blue eyes looked the same, looking at her with so much love as he called out and stroked his hand up and down her lower back. 

"Everything's fine. Just stay cool...and don't use our real names."

"Right, sorry...but are you sure? El Stabador--" (y/n) bit her lip, trying not to let the place's stench throw her guts up, but her worry sorted that. The girl stood next to a particularly cruel-looking woman near some barstools, much further away than Miles across the room or Bose, who hovered near his teachers. Boy, she didn't look happy when Chapa accidentally nudged her elbow, thus slipping some of her drink. 

"She's fine, darlin'. If any of the kids can handle themselves, it's her," Ray told her with a chuckle, noticing how the girl didn't even look bothered, giving the villainess such an intense glare that she looked away all sheepish. 

He knew he wasn't supposed to be too affectionate in public like this; after all, no one knew Hawkfist and Doll Face were married, and he didn't want any connections made, just in case. But it was damn tricky pretending to not be in love with her, especially when she worried in that pretty little head of hers. It was in her nature, yet even he couldn't help but keep four eyes on each child in a hole such as this, peering over a buffet table as his wards chatted with the scum he fought to keep behind bars. 

"True..." The woman nodded, pinching a tortilla chip from the table to nibble on as Ray and Bose exchanged a subtle glance to check in on each other. 

They nodded slightly, not wanting to get caught knowing the other, but Villains Only Night had been a dud. No one was particularly interesting, and there was only so much face-painting the man could sit through. 

"You guys look weird!" (y/n) hissed when they nodded slightly too much, looking too manic, even for a villain's gathering. 

"Stop it!" Ray ordered Bose sharply, ignoring the weird kid by storming off with his beloved wife in tow. he was too stupid to cause too much damage, and knowing Bose, he'd blow their cover, so they sought refuge in another corner, passing Chapa on their way. 

There were a few familiar faces here and there, some they'd faced in the past, but primarily the criminals they'd fought with Kid Danger when they last visited. None would be glad to learn that Captain Man and Miss Danger had brought their little protégés to the party, not when they clearly weren't invited, so they kept their eyes low and pretended to flirt like enamoured strangers. 

"Hello? Hi! Can I have everyone's attention, please?" A loud yet pleasant voice yelled above the room's buzz, belonging to a smiling man standing on a stool. He looked nice enough, beaming at his villainous friends in a bloodstained white apron and cap, looking almost friendly, but (y/n) knew better. 

He was The Butcher, and for all his niceties, he held some dark, disturbing secrets. 

"For those of you that don't know, I am The Butcher, and I just want to give everybody a big thank you for attending Villains Only Night!" He announced to rapturous applause, although someone was a little trigger-happy. No sooner than he'd finished speaking, a fire-propelled axe whizzed past his face, narrowly missing his nose as a fresh-faced yet utterly psychotic girl giggled. 

"Whoa! Simmer down there, Betty Blades!"

"I throw rocket blades!" She grinned like it was something to brag about, her sinister, crazy-eyed expression making (y/n) snuggle closer to Ray's side. That toothy snarl made her shiver...and they were supposed to be friends with these people. 

"And we love you for it!"

"I don't..." she muttered under her breath, only heard by her husband as he squeezed her hip and brushed his lips briefly against her temple. Still, glancing around the room, she couldn't see anyone else disagreeing; the villains loved her little blade-throwing trick. Now that she could look properly, no one looked like a book thief. This would be challenging...

"But tonight is about our evil community coming together to say, hey! We're bad people, but we're still people," The Butcher added warmly, much to his counterparts' delight. They'd toast to that, cheering and clapping his words with reverent enthusiasm, and the incognito heroes mimicked them quickly, no matter how much they disagreed. 

"And we must give a big thank you to our free evil face-painter!" Everyone glanced off to the side, where Schwoz stood by a tall chair in his dastardly disguise in a shady, quiet little corner. 

He had a client in the seat, creating a masterpiece on his face without anyone suspecting his true identity; no one would know Captain Man's handy was under that chocolate bubble afro and eyepatch - even the kids failed to recognise him with that beard and those flared jeans, too. He was supposed to look like some painter, not that they'd ever heard of him, but he looked happy at the villains' applause. 

"Now, what I want everyone to do is to talk to three villains you haven't talked to before because an evil stranger is just an evil friend you haven't met yet! So, go out there, be on your worst behaviour, and have fun! But not too much fun, okay?"

It made Ray sick, sneering at all the happy crooks around him. He spent all his adult life trying to lock these scumbags up, and here he was, frolicking amongst them as they made buddies over beers. He was almost glad when that Betty Blades girl nearly took off The Butcher's head again, slicing the air with another deadly, flying blade. He didn't care; if anything, she made his job easier, but of course, the morons laughed it off like it was nothing. 

"Betty!..." Someone kill him. This was excruciating.

~

And it didn't get any easier. Following the crowd, the heroes and Danger Force split up to mingle amongst the gathering, making friends and glad-handing with people they'd typically punch in the face. It was difficult, but they managed by gritting their teeth and getting on with it, telling themselves they needed intell to find the book thief. 

Ray stuck with his sweet girl, not wanting to leave her alone for a moment in such a dirty and dank place, so she accompanied him to meet several minor and emerging villains, most of whom weren't much of a threat. It was challenging for them for a different reason - no kissing. Apparently, it wasn't dignified or wicked, so, much to the man's disappointment, there was a strict hand-on-small-of-back policy in force, and he was lucky. 

Soon, the couple found themselves talking to two familiar faces, who, according to their sticky name tags, were Lizard Boy and Lizard Girl, twins who thought the best aesthetic was to look like two reptilian freaks. They were peculiar characters dressed to look almost identical with their green, scaly skin, flickering tongues, catlike eyes, smooth heads, and odd mannerisms. They were creepy the last time, and (y/n) still hated shaking hands with the slimy individuals. 

"No, no, I love the name Hawkfist..." Lizard Boy said awkwardly as he and his sister chatted with the new villains in town, flicking their tongues through their drinks. There was something familiar about them, but he pushed it to the back of his mind as they went through the usual formal introductions. 

"'Preciate that..." Ray replied gruffly, hand never straying from Danger Force's waist as Chapa loitered near them. She was only there because they wanted to keep an eye on her. Still, she supposed watching Ray struggle with his disguise was entertainment enough, smirking as everyone they met gave wobbly smiles upon hearing the terrible name. 

"But do hawks have...fists?" Lizard Girl asked, proving El Stabador's point as (y/n) cringed into her punch. That had to sting...

"Yes!" 

"I told you no one would get it," Chapa told her teacher knowingly as he threw his hands up into the air in frustration, fed up with telling every asshole he came across that it made sense. His pretty girl tried To comfort him, bless her, hugging his arm a little too closely to be considered anything less than a girlfriend. Yet, the twins didn't notice, thinking it was sweet to see young, evil love, even if that Danger Force was more sweet than sour. 

"I told you to shut up!" The hero yelled after the girl as she sauntered off to go and find her friends--or at least someone more interesting than a guy in a fucking bird suit. She didn't look back as she walked away, leaving (y/n) to babysit her husband and exchange small talk in an even more awkward situation, the Lizards looking anywhere but their new acquaintances. 

"What about Nighthawk?" Lizard Boy suggested - anything to move the conversation on now that creepy little girl had left. 

"Look, you don't think there's a day goes by that I don't regret naming myself Hawkfist?" Ray replied harshly, wishing he'd never bothered and stayed home, where he could be in bed, snuggled up with his precious wife if it wasn't for those goody-two-shoes kids and their big ideas about libraries. But the suggestions kept coming...

"Or maybe Hawk-ules?"

"Oooh, 'cause you're a hawk, but you're strong!" The reptilian twins said excitedly, flexing their arms as Ray pondered the suggestion. It sounded much more inventive and cool than he'd imagined, and although he'd introduced himself as Hawkfist all night, he changed his mind in the blink of an eye. 

"Okay, love that...New name! I'm Hawkules now! New name! Hawkules! That's me..." 

"Oh, doofus..." (y/n) sighed under her breath as she watched him scribble the new persona on a fresh sticky label in his chicken-scratch handwriting once anyone nearby had heard his announcement. Hearing his shrill screech as he slapped it onto his breast to replace the old one made her cringe even harder, flashing the villains a nervous smile to try and smooth things over. 

"He does this a lot..."

"Oh, it's fine!" Lizard Girl smiled at the cute villainess, sensing she had great potential lurking behind that innocent schoolgirl-like smile. She was probably utterly heinous beneath that goody-goody exterior if her creepy costume was anything to go by. 

"You two are so cute together! How long have you been dating?" 

"I beg your pardon?" The question caught (y/n) off-guard, forcing her eyes to snap to the crinkled ones belonging to the other woman, who meant no harm.

"You and your boyfriend... He is your boyfriend, right? Or...are you single?" She and her brother were genuinely curious, but this was dangerous territory, straying too close to reality for comfort. Neither hero missed how the Lizard Boy looked Doll Face up and down, a slight smirk to his grin, and it didn't take a genius to work out what he was angling at, much to Ray's fury. 

Still, she couldn't stand there and say nothing. That would make her look weird, yet it was precisely what she did, her face a picture of terror as the Lizard twins kept smiling. 

"She's my girlfriend! Definitely my girlfriend. My girlfriend...right...babe?" Ray exclaimed gruffly as he thankfully stepped in to save his wife's embarrassment, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close as he grinned. Another move from Captain Subtle, but it got that scaly bastard to back off, pecking her cheek for good measure, even though his pet name didn't seem right. 

He never called her babe, not once, not ever. It was too simple and common, and his sweet girl was more than just some high school boy's babe. She was more than that, so he called her things infinitely more precious, but they couldn't know that. This was Doll Face, girlfriend of Hawkfist--or Hawkules--not (y/n) Manchester, his wife. 

"Huh? I...I mean, sure, honey, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. We've been dating for ages," the woman agreed hastily once her brain processed the confusing sentence because he made it sound like he wasn't even talking to her. She hated that - babe - but her smile stayed bright and pleasant as she hugged her gory teddy bear. 

"So cute! How did you meet? It's not easy to find love when you're wreaking havoc..."

"Oh, yeah, totally..." (y/n) nodded, tensing when her new friend placed a cold, slimy hand on her bare forearm. Still, she ignored it to focus on creating her false narrative - her and Hawkfist's love story in another life. 

"We met...on the job."

"Oh, really?" Lizard Boy blinked in surprise, still feeling disappointed that the cutie was a taken girl. Still, he could deal with it, not wanting to get on the wrong side of the temperamental man before him. Yet, it was rare for villains to date so openly, given the dangers that came with the job, and it wasn't like their personas made them approachable people. 

"Yes! I was robbing a bank and in strolls this lil' beauty. She put the money in the bag and stole my keys before driving away in my car...Took my heart with her." Ray sighed wistfully as he finished his elaborate recollection, so impressive and detailed that even (y/n) believed him a bit, snuggling into his side a little more as the villains melted and cooed. 

But it wasn't like he had to pretend; his sweet girl made it so easy for him to love her that he didn't need to fake his adoration. It came straight from his heart, so he only needed a few white lies. 

"Wow... that's so...romantic."

"Isn't it?" (y/n) exclaimed through gritted teeth, thinking her doofus sounded so effortlessly enamoured that it was almost stupid--almost unbelievable. Villains didn't get happily ever afters, at least not in her books, so she had to make it more realistic, smirking at her so-called boyfriend as she thickened the plot. 

"Too bad Captain Man stopped me in my getaway car. I would've never gone back if that...little spandex bastard hadn't foiled my plans." 

Ray's eyebrows twitched into a frown as she openly sullied his good name, but he had to remember this was all make-believe. It cast his mind back to the day they first met when he didn't make an excellent first impression, and he felt lucky to press his lips to hers in a much-needed kiss. 

Meanwhile, the twins hissed and growled as a sour taste settled on their forked tongues at the mention of that man, having met him on one occasion during a brief ceasefire. He was so full of himself. That, and he made every villain's life miserable with Miss Danger constantly on his back - did those two ever take a day off?

"Captain Man! God, I hate him."

"Me too." They grimaced together, breaking the happy couple out of their smooch because Ray couldn't bear that. It was one thing to joke around, but he hated any slander of his beloved alter ego. Did those two even know how hard he worked with Miss Danger by his side?

"Same here. He's just so...dumb and silly. What a doofus, am I right?" (y/n) agreed hesitantly, not wanting to offend her husband. Still, she couldn't swear her allegiance to Captain Man out in the open. They'd tear her limb from limb, and even as she tried to insult him, a stubborn little grin fought its way onto her face, which she worked to try and make sinister. 

"Yeah!"

"Hey, uh, I know we all hate Captain Man, but you guys read his book? It's a pretty great read..." Ray probed sneakily, much to his wife's exasperation. Of all the places to try and pitch that goddamn novel, this had to be the worst, among dozens of criminals who'd never look at anything affiliated with the hero, let alone read it. 

"That dummy wrote a book?" The reptilian guy frowned before laughing cruelly, deepening Ray's hatred as he met his icy gaze. First, he flirted with his wife, and now, this? This asshole was crossing the line. 

"Some say it's a real page-turner," (y/n) commented vaguely as she tried not to gush about the hero or condemn him to spare everyone's feelings. But you could practically cut the tension with a knife, making her shiver as she squeezed her bear tighter and peered at the Lizards from behind her braids. 

"I can't remember the title..." the girl muttered, having never read the book since it was beneath her, but she remembered it from somewhere. And God, it was so sucky to everyone who sadly bought it from the bookstore...well, everyone except Ray. 

"Uh, yeah, it's something like, uh...Man, I Feel Like A Hero, colon, One Captain Man's Journey Of Self-Discovery, parenthesis, A Captain Man-isfesto, asterisk, The True Story Of The Boy Who Became Captain Man, end parenthesis, exclamation point....or something like that."

"That's oddly specific," (y/n) retorted sarcastically as Ray finished his uncanny recollection of the hero's book - so damn detailed that he nailed it down to the punctuation. It was hardly a smooth move, and the heroine could see the surprise on the criminals' faces until they recovered and politely smiled. Luckily, they got away with the small outburst, but Ray didn't half push it. 

"Oh, yeah! We read it in our evil book club. No one made it through chapter one!" Lizard Girl giggled with her brother as Ray watched with a flat, unimpressed expression, utterly disenchanted with their disrespectful mockery as his poor girl had to cringe and bear it. 

"I think you mean Cap-ter one," he replied tersely, but that made them howl more. 

"Oh, that's right! He called the chapters Cap-ters!" (y/n) subtly comforted her husband as the villains giggled to each other, exchanging insults about the hero, not knowing he was glaring at them like his eyes could burn holes in their heads. She squeezed and rubbed her hands against his bicep, hoping he'd see sense and let them have their fun; after all, they were the ones who'd probably put them in jail one day.

"That's so stupid!" 

But Ray couldn't think like that, not when he'd spent too many nights writing that book, burning the candle at both ends when he should've been going to bed with her. He poured his blood, sweat, and tears into it and refused to let them smear all his hard work. So, rather childishly, he slapped the plastic cups out of their hands, glaring at them before his sweet girl's elbow. 

"You're stupid! Caw-caw!" He hissed, to which the Lizards raised their fingers in an elegant, if weird, pose, and the couple turned away, dragging (y/n) 's bear behind her. He'd rather speak to anyone but them, heading toward Schwoz's face-painting corner, only the hero came face-to-face with someone he'd rather forget. 

"Hey there!" Much to Ray's annoyance, a chubby, overly chummy man greeted them. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and groan upon seeing that thatch of grassy hair, leafy green waistcoat, and a t-shirt bursting at the seams since it was pulled tightly over his bulging tummy. The Lawn Ranger: some loser who matched with Captain Man on some superhero-villain dating app, only to be a total catfish. 

He was the bane of Ray's existence, and even though he wouldn't recognise him as Hawkules, he didn't want to deal with him. 

"Doofus, that was rude..." (y/n) noted as Ray tugged her to the bar, hearing Mika on her way past a small group of chattering villains. Like the good girl she was, she was probing about the book thief, casually asking around about anyone who might know their identity, but her doofus wasn't so keen. 

"I don't like him, sweet girl..." he said with a huff, barely watching Mika's excellent work as he placed his hands on her hips and bent down to kiss her gently. She hummed against his lips appreciatively, enjoying his peppermint-bubblegum taste as she cupped his face and pulled her doofus closer. 

No one around them offered any argument, knowing that a few more frisky miscreants were getting it on in the shadowy corners. Ray got her all to himself for a moment, hugging his beloved wife to his chest while his wandering hands explored her curves. He missed her after being so cruelly denied earlier, pecking her lips a few times before pulling away. 

"He's annoying, granted..." the heroine muttered into his mouth, slightly breathless as they rubbed noses and panted. "But you're above being mean, Raymond."

"Don't you mean Hawkules, Doll Face?"

"You're my doofus, doofus. And I don't like being mean or evil. Feels...wrong." She pulled away, wrinkling her nose in mild disgust because hearing him call her that felt wrong. 

She imagined the creepy villainess schwoz had invented for her was rude and malicious, leagues away from Miss Danger so no one would recognise her. And he wasn't the masked birdman he pretended to be; instead, he was the man who kissed her with such affection and reverence like she was a China doll, not some sinister plaything. 

And Ray agreed, smiling as his touch circled her lower back, dangerously dipping to squeeze her butt through the flouncy material of her gothic dress if she didn't immediately bring it back to her waist. With warm and flushed cheeks, they kissed again until the man's lips bore her lipstick, standing them scarlet so (y/n) had to rub his mouth, laughing at the smudged mess, not that he cared. 

"That's because you're too sweet for this villain shit," Ray told her firmly with a squeeze of her hips. "Don't change, darlin'. I love my wife exactly the way she is."

"I love you too..." (y/n) grinned, heart fluttering upon seeing his smile, and she sorely wanted to say, fuck everything, let's go home. What were they doing? Revealing their true, loving, married selves for all these villains to see; they could be at home right now, cuddled up in their pyjamas and matching rings, but no. They had to kiss out in the open, and who knows who was watching?

"Ugh, can you guys get a room?" A disgusted voice came from behind the couple, forcing them to break apart to see a disgruntled girl glaring at them - mainly Ray since he was the ringleader. 

Chapa looked positively nauseated as she joined them, looking more terrifying than usual in her El Stabador costume, and witnessing their revolting love and PDA didn't help. Her lips were curled up in revulsion, arms crossed tightly across her chest, and her hip jutted out as she sneered, daring Ray to make one clever comment about how he should be able to love his wife openly--or some such bullshit. Seeing him eating (y/n) 's face made her want to puke, and she was poised to remind them of their mission. 

"We were minding our own business until you came along..." Ray replied arrogantly, keeping his sweet girl in his embrace while returning Chapa's glare with aching only cold eyes. 

"Look, I'm pretty sure you won't find the book thief at the back of her throat!" She hissed, heating her friend's face further as she thought about how far Ray went - perhaps too far to be considered decent in public. God, those hands made him like an octopus...touching everywhere. 

"There's no harm in trying!" He bit back, creating a furious tirade of back-and-forth biting comments between them since Ray didn't feel accountable to anyone, nor did Chapa. 

"We have a job to do!"

"She's my wife! I'll kiss her if I wa--"

"Both of you, shhhhhhh!" (y/n) suddenly hushed them, pressing a hand over Ray's mouth before shaking the girl's shoulder. They quickly quietened down, albeit with furrowed brows, as the heroine turned in her husband's arms and stared at something - or someone - in the crowd around them. And, for some reason, she wouldn't stop staring, craning her neck to peer over shoulders through gaps and over heads until she could hone in on a particular conversation. 

"Huh? Sweet girl? I'm trying to---" Ray muttered, sad to lose her attention. He tried to spin her back around, convinced that whatever had enthralled her was nothing compared to his kisses. And whilst that might have been true, this was important enough to whack his chest and silence him again lightly. 

"Shhhh! Listen!" She ordered him insistently, pointing weakly to the group where Mika was chatting with some lower-league criminals. None of them were fascinating, neither infamous nor notorious, so the heroes didn't recognise them, barely sparing them a glance until one began bragging about his exploits. 

"...She was just wondering who stole all those books from The Swellview Library."

"Oh, yeah. That was me!" A pasty, nerdy-looking guy boasted, earning chuckles from his listeners, save for Mika. He didn't look like much, hardly the stuff of nightmares in his faux leather jacket, thin-framed glasses, and a pink and grey, splotchy scarf. If anything, he looked like a feather could knock him down, but Ray had seen all villains in his time. But it was rare to find one so cocky at such a young age. 

"I mean, I didn't take all the books. I left Captain Man's stupid one behind!" The nerdy villain, or Steven to his friends, laughed, much to Ray's fury, as he and (y/n) watched silently from the sidelines. Chapa couldn't help but giggle a little - a death wish - still thinking it was hilarious, although the hero's glare soon sobered her up. 

But this was dangerous for Mika, who found herself surrounded by crooks who wouldn't think twice about hurting her if they thought she'd betrayed them. She was more than an arm's length away from her teachers. Help might come too late, yet she'd asked too many questions...

"So, why'd you wanna know?"

"Oh, I just wanted to shake your hand! Because it's such a really good crime to steal books that are already free," the girl congratulated Steven through gritted teeth, squeezing his hand a little too tightly as she violently shook it - nearly knocking the glasses off his face. It took all her strength to smile sweetly, pretending his blatant disrespect and vandalism didn't bother her. 

"I mean, how do you even read all those books?"

"Oh, I don't read any of them," Steven revealed with a mischievous grin, unwittingly torturing the books-smart girl even more. It was more than her job's worth to grin and bear it, although he had to be the biggest jerk she'd ever met. 

"Oh, you don't even read them?! What do you do with all those free books you steal?" She asked hoarsely, peeking behind Steven to see Ray (y/n) and Chapa waiting with bated breath for a chance to step in. She was reassured that they were so close, but the woman fidgeted, counting at least three villains between her and the kid, including Betty and her rocket blades. 

'Oh, I burn some..." the lowlife listed, each terrible misdeed another blow to the girl's heart. What a selfish bas--

"I shred some..." It was like sacrilege, ebbing away at Mika's resilience as she glared at Book Thievin' Steven. She couldn't help it, wanting to punch him or at least shout to the rooftops about how he was the lowest of the low, the scum of the earth, the dirt underneath her boots - literally the loser in school who peaked in fifth grade. But by some miracle, she held her, fists clenched and shoulders shaking as the guy rambled on, bragging about his exploits like they were something to be proud of. 

"Super!"

"But most of the time, I just tear out the pages one by one and use them to wipe my--" Nope, she couldn't take it. That was the last straw. The one that broke the camel's back. The final fuse to Mika's temper. In a fit of fury, she lurched forward and super-screamed with all her might, creating a sonic wave strong enough to blast the speccy-four-eyed freak off his feet. 

He flew across the room, legs kicking in the air, until he perched on a ledge above the main floor, winded, startled and pale as he stared at The Mangler. Or whoever she claimed to be because villain attacking villain? That was not on at Villains Only Night. Mika gulped as she realised her mistake, staring at Steven wide-eyed as he clutched his sore torso before locking eyes with her friends across the room. Not good...

"Face. I was gonna say my face!" He grumbled, frowning at the girl, but she had more significant problems as those who'd witnessed her superpower - every villain in the room - swarmed around her. 

"It's ShoutOut!" The Lawn Ranger cried. Even he, with his mushroom-addled brain, could see through her disguise after pairing her painted face with that superpower, sending shockwaves of murmurs through the evil crowd. 

"Who?"

"She's not a villain. She's in Danger Force!" Everything happened so quickly, and in a flash, Mika faced the expertly sharpened edge of The Butcher's meat cleaver. His expression twisted into a snarl as she tried to remain cool and composed, but a bead of sweat ran down her forehead when she gulped, knowing there was little use in denying it. 

All the girl could do was stay calm and pray for her friends to save her, gaze flickering to them around the room to see their anxious, staunch faces. Well, some of them were helpful and brave; others, not so much. 

"I'm out of here! Byeeeeee!" Schwoz whimpered, pulling a grapple gun from his belt and using it to leap to safety in the rafters. Panic really does expose a man's cowardice, but in fairness, there was little he could do - especially with that eyepatch. He wasn't a fighter nor a great negotiator, so it was best to return to the Man's Nest and leave the work to the professionals. 

Still, the backup would've been nice, and Mika would rather have a friend to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with her as the small army of criminals and evildoers closed in. Brandishing their weapons, they stuck their ugly mugs close to hers, intimidating her from all sides as they wondered how best to deal with her. Her hands instinctively curled around her throat to protect it, nervously swallowing when she saw all the knives, blasters, and other devices designed to end a person's life in the blink of an eye. 

After all, only an idiot would wander into The Beatin' Dungeon during their night...

"We have to do something--we have to do something now!" (y/n) worriedly whispered to Ray and Chapa. Thankfully, no one heard her panic as the villains bickered about how to make ShoutOut pay for her insolence. She fought her heart's desire to march over there and take down any asshole who dared to touch a hair on her precious baby's head. It was reckless and stupid, almost doomed to fail, but she refused to let anyone hurt the girl. 

She'd never lost a kid on her watch, and she didn't intend to start now, a sentiment shared by Ray as his warm hands laid across her shoulders, squeezing gently as he tried to formulate a plan. He'd never show it, but losing one of them would devastate him, not that he'd let anything happen to Mika. 

"Everything will be fine, darlin'. Look, she's okay..." the man reassured her kindly, watching as the villains manhandled the kid to stand facing the wall while deciding what to do with her. He despised how roughly they treated her, practically shoving her through the brickwork. Still, Mika didn't struggle, pressing her blazing cheek to the chilly wall as her captors argued. 

"For now! I swear if Betty Blades starts to get stabby, one of those rocket blades is going right up her a--"

"Relax, (y/n/n)! We can't blow our cover," Chapa told her calmly, motioning for the heroine to stay low and blend in. They'd be no help if they were also suspected, but she got it. She'd rain hell in furious bolts of lightning should they hurt her friend. 

"We just need to think! Besides, it's not like they know what to do with her..." She was right, turning to glance around the rowdy group as they threw psychotic and downright cruel ideas at The Butcher, none of which fitted the crime, but they were satisfying. 

Boiling, garrotting, gouging, purging, disembowelling; all were beastly enough to make (y/n) wanna puke, but no one could make up their mind. Each criminal thought they were better than the other, nearly brawling amongst themselves until their mild-mannered yet menacing leader spoke up. 

"Okay, okay! Now, we've all got lots of evil ideas about what to do with this member of Danger Force that snuck into Villains Only Night," The Butcher yelled above the racket as Miles and Bose tiptoed over to their teachers, looking to Ray and (y/n) for guidance. There wasn't much room for manoeuvring amongst this lot, and even The Lawn Ranger, with all his loserness, wanted in on the action. Sort of. 

"Let's throw grass in her face!" He suggested after courteously raising his hand, only to receive a harmony of groans and eye-rolls. Maybe if she had hay fever, but...

"No, Lawn Ranger! We're not going to--"

"Let's throw grass on her shoulders!" He exclaimed, and even when they turned him down again with exasperated sighs, he didn't stop. The grass was his thing, which was what made him the crappiest villain in Swellview. "Let's throw grass on her head!"

"Okay, it can't be grass every time, buddy," Steven told him gently, not that it soothed the leafy man-baby. Even as he placed a friendly hand on his grass-covered arm, The Lawn Ranger pouted and shook him off, desperate to show his prowess. 

"It comes from the Earth, man, it's good!"

"You know what they should do is get a bunch of battery acid and some steak knives..." Chapa proposed quietly as she, Bose, Miles, Ray, and (y/n) stood at the back of the crowd, pondering their next move as they bickered. That grassy freak bought them some time, but the girl couldn't help but think about what she'd do if she switched to the dark side. 

"Stop!" Miles scolded her, nudging her ribs before he had to her anymore of her idea to melt his sister to death or whatever she had planned. "Honestly, we're not trying to come up with ways to hurt her!"

"We need to save her! What are we gonna do?!" Bose worriedly asked, seeing no way through the horde of angry villains. Yet, Ray, being his usual cocksure self, didn't shrink before a challenge. Oh no, he thrived under pressure, flashing them his signature smirk before his handsome features melted into what was quickly becoming recognisably Hawkfist's scowl. 

"Relax. Hawkfist has a plan."

"Doofus, didn't you change your name to Hawkules? Amongst other things?" (y/n) frowned, barely keeping up with her husband's frequent name changes after she stopped kissing him and focused on Mika instead. He changed his character like a girl changes clothes, ending up with half a dozen sticky labels stuck to his vest. Some were scribbled out until he settled on his latest fancy. 

"Oh, yeah. I changed it again. I'm now The Talon-ted Mr Hawkley." He grinned at her, thinking himself oh-so-clever as he dove past her and wrenched a soft, doughy snack from Miles' palm. He could've swiped one from the dessert table, but that wasn't cool for someone in a Birdman costume. So, he took the doughnut, shrieked and flapped off, but not before smooching (y/n) 's cheek loudly, much to the children's displeasure. 

"Caw-caw!"

"I do not feel comfortable about this plan..." Miles sighed as they watched the hero boldly approach the squabbling villains without backup, forethought, or weapon. They had no idea what he'd planned--if he'd planned anything at all, but they couldn't make a scene, not when he shoved his way through the throng. 

"Oh, Ra--I mean, Hawk-Whatever--don't be a doofus all your life!" B (y/n) called after him, tiptoeing closer to the other villains with the kids tentatively covering her back. 

They couldn't help but get closer, wanting to see the man's big plan, although their better instincts told them to run and hide because it would be a disaster. What was the doughnut for? 

"Quiet! Quiet!" The Butcher shouted, acting as crowd control, not that it worked. The villains kept yelling louder and louder, inching forward as they bayed for ShoutOut's blood - just a little drop for good measure, which they only saw as fair payment. 

But Ray was fearless, elbowing the miscreants out of his way since he'd faced things far grander, far scarier, and far weirder than they were. He wouldn't call any of them truly great villains, hardly Doctor Minyak, The Toddler, or Frankini. Still, they had strength in their numbers, not that it bothered him. He had a pretty lady watching his every move. He didn't have room to slip up. 

"All right, everybody--let's cut the chatter!" He bellowed, and surprisingly, what didn't work on a classroom of tweens beautifully commanded a warehouse full of creeps and crooks. The villains fell silent, vastly boosting his ego as he smirked and preened, making his wife roll her eyes. 

"Nice..." he added huskily, unknowingly causing (y/n) to flutter in her tummy when a minuscule smile tweaked his lips. So damn handsome, even in that ridiculous outfit. 

"All right, The Talon-ted Mr Hawkley will deal with this girl."

"Who's that, Hawkfist?" The Lizard Girl asked, mirroring the confused expressions around the rooms upon hearing the new name. He'd changed it so many times that no one could keep up with whoever he was now, still caught up on his first - and most memorable - nickname. 

"Me!" Ray replied gruffly, utterly fed up with those two reptilian weirdos and how they always seemed to hang around him like an unwanted bad smell. 

"I thought you were Hawkules--"

"Ugh, moving on! I'm gonna scratch this girl, and she will bleed!" The hero sneered, brandishing the sharp talons stitched into his gloves and prompting panic and terror in Mika as the villains cheered. The children glanced at (y/n) worriedly, concerned at the mention of blood. But she couldn't help them, looking just as antsy at her husband's risky plan as everyone else while the girl shivered. 

"Okay, ShoutOut. Get ready to feel my talon punch!" 

"Shouldn't your talons be on your feet?" The Lizard Girl butted in again, being pedantic when Ray was trying to be cool. He turned to her with a vicious snarl, rolling his eyes at every little interruption. 

"Oh my God, whatever! Just let me do this--shut up! Caw-caw!" With no more rude interruptions, he spun and gently raked his fingers down Mika's back. 

It felt more like a massage than a relentless attack, nails slightly digging into her skin. Still, not to the point of pain, but to any onlooker, it appeared like he was cruelly clawing at her body. The villains cheered and egged him on, and Mika quickly followed Ray's lead, pretending he was hurting her as he growled and moved his talons faster. 

"Oh, no! I'm being scratched, yeah!"

"Get her, Hawkules!" The Lawn Ranger shouted, much to Ray's displeasure, as he briefly paused his so-called assault to give him an icy look. God, he hated that guy. 

"That's three names ago. Try to keep up!" He snarled before returning to his work, ignorant of the loser's attempt at an apology. Still, Mika played her role very well, faking her cries of pain and pretending to curl into the wall to shield herself as much as possible. It was brutal to watch, and the criminals loved it, roaring and applauding Hawk-guy's work, even as Danger Force loitered on the sidelines. 

"I'm definitely bleeding!" She gasped as Ray snuck his stolen doughnut under his jacket's wing, squishing the sweet pastry over her costume until the red jelly filling was smeared across her back. He took inspiration from Bose's stupidity, and when she collapsed from the agony, it really looked like he'd torn her skin to ribbons - scarlet dribbles everywhere. 

"Oh, but I am so very defeated!" The girl remarked flatly as she weakly lay on the floor with Hawkfist looming over her. His fingers were covered in jelly, all sticky and dripping in a morbid sight, which was a bit confusing for the throngs of evildoers around them. No matter how much their feathered friend hyped up his dirty hands and defeated foe, they'd never known one of Captain Man's protégés to go down so quickly. 

Still, if he could make a swift exit, no one need know any different...

"Okay, then, I'm just gonna take her back to my lair and feed her to my baby birds," Ray growled to the villains, bending down to grab Mika and drag her home. The kids didn't want to know who the baby birds were, but they waited patiently, eager to leave, when Betty Blades piped up, a suspicious snarl on her lips. 

"Wait a second!"

"What?" Ray asked nervously, having no choice but to let Mika lay there as the psychotic brunette marched up to him and swiped her bony finger through the red mess coating his fingers. 

Everyone grimaced when she brought the apparent blood to her lips. Still, Betty frowned when the strangely sweet and oddly delicious flavour hit her tongue. It wasn't metallic or gross but tart and sugary, crinkling her eyebrows at the deception. 

"It tastes sweet..." she remarked, much to her comrades' confusion. 

"Of course it does! The taste of victory is always sweet!" The hero remarked with a voice full of confidence, acting as if her discovery didn't phase him at all. He played it off well, but one glance at his sweet girl through the crowd and (y/n) saw the panic behind his eyes, knowing that his big plan was slowly unravelling. 

"Yeah, but that's just jelly."

"What?" He scoffed, acting innocent and dumb as the villains around them laughed slightly, thinking it was some big prank. But Betty narrowed her eyes at him, sensing something was wrong with that perfect smile - perhaps too perfect for a supervillain. 

"Raspberry, if I'm not mistaken."

"The Talon-ted Mr Hawkley must've used that doughnut!" The Butcher pointed out with a sinister smirk, causing everyone to gasp as they saw the squashed, empty pastry on the floor next to ShoutOut's limp body. They glared at Ray, not knowing whether to deem him an intruder or a phoney. Still, either way, the man was stuck between a rock and a hard place - very much in no position to convince them otherwise. 

"No, I didn't!"

"But you did, though. Right before you fake-scratched her."

"And un-stuck her from the wall," The Lizard Twins hissed, folding their arms coldly as Ray struggled to think of a witty, believable comeback--and his sidekicks were no help. They couldn't get to him even if they wanted to, and honestly, a twinge of fear settled into his gut. 

"Are you even a real villain, bro?" Some guy in the crowd asked, which was a bit rich, given that Ray didn't even recognise him. He could say the same in return, even if it was suicidal. 

"What does this say? Huh?" He replied curtly, pointing to one of the many sticky labels on his chest. Yet, because he didn't look where he was pointing and had so many name changes, he accidentally chose an old one that didn't last very long since it was a bit...lame. 

"I have no idea."

"You kept scratching out your villain names and giving yourself new ones."

"Does one of them say, Hawklate Milk?" Betty Blades asked with a slight, mocking smirk, and the man quickly covered the unfortunate label, licking his finger and rubbing it to try and remove the ink. 

"Maybe..."

"That's dumber than Captain Man's book!" The same nobody from earlier remarked, and that was his last straw. Ray couldn't handle any slander toward his books if Mika couldn't cope with pointless crimes. It infuriated him more than their constant interruptions or snarky comments, making him stamp his foot like a child and jerk his arms. He'd show them who the losers were, aching for genuine respect since that stupid bird suit obviously didn't command any. 

"All right--that's it! Where's my damn gum?" He shouted in annoyance as he plodded off around a corner, patting down his pockets to find where he'd carefully hidden his gum. They all brought some, just in case, even if it was risky in case one of the villains found them, and (y/n) didn't miss a beat when she saw her doofus disappear into the shadows. 

Placing a hand over her well-hidden tube, feeling it through the lace of her dress, she turned to Chapa. While her husband was more than capable of kicking dozens of villains' butts, she didn't fancy him taking on every asshole The Beatin' Dungeon had to offer, so, lowering her voice, she whispered to the girl as she tiptoed away. 

"Keep them busy. We'll be right back..."

"What?! What are we supposed to do?!" Chapa whispered harshly, nervously glancing around, praying no one heard their snappy conversation. Luckily, the delinquents in the room were too distracted to truly pay attention, allowing the heroine to weave her way to wherever Ray disappeared cautiously. 

But the kids didn't want her to leave, suddenly feeling much smaller and weaker without the mighty Miss Danger. Yet, she didn't stop, throwing them a bright smile as she slipped past some pink-haired weirdo. 

"Just get Mika to safety! We'll handle the rest!" (y/n) grinned, not looking back as she disappeared into the crowd, leaving Bose clueless and Miles and Chapa very disgruntled. 

"Oh, you make it sound so easy!" Ignoring them, she crept past the oblivious villains toward Ray's hiding place, hoping they wouldn't do anything too reckless while transforming. As she slipped into the nook, she could hear The Butcher bellowing more incoherent orders. Still, she didn't bother deciphering them when she spotted a very angry doofus muttering himself, patting down his tunic with too much aggression. 

"Doofus?"

"Sweet girl..." The man turned around upon hearing those dulcet tones, the tension and fury melting from his body when he saw his beloved wife standing there. Her face was so pure and innocent, so it wasn't his fault when a sudden urge to sweep her into a spontaneous kiss swept over him. 

He gathered her in his arms, holding her shoulders tightly as (y/n) gasped, allowing his tongue to slip into her mouth in what was interrupted by that sparky brat before. A sigh mingled between them as her arms slid around his neck, pulling their navels together until every inch of their bodies touched. It was hot and passionate and undoubtedly the wrong time and wrong place, but neither cared, forgetting their mission, friends in a second of love and lust. 

But it didn't last. As much as her head was spinning, her heart was burning, and her tummy was fluttering, (y/n) snapped to her senses when she felt his fingertips creeping under her skirt - a little too eager to say they weren't at home. There were dozens of villains just a few feet away - his composure and boldness surprised her. 

She abruptly pulled away from her lover at the peak of his assault, grasping the wrist hiding between her thighs and staring up at him with darkened eyes and swollen lips. Had it really been that long since they had a moment to themselves?

"What's taking you so long?!" She panted before suddenly realising how tightly she gripped his arm and jacket. Ray smirked at her dishevelled state, having quietly known that his sweet girl would follow when he walked off, although he hadn't planned on losing control like that. It was her fault for being too damn hot. 

"I can't find my gum!" Ray replied smoothly, holding her waist when she released his wandering hand. It was true; he'd been trying to find the damn thing when she walked in, and he swore that it was gone--vanished--stolen--God knows what. He couldn't find it; only (y/n) knew better. 

"You mean this gum?" She cocked an eyebrow as she waggled a glowing tube under his nose - the same gum she'd felt when her hand slipped down to his butt when they were kissing. He'd shoved it deep in his back pocket, which wasn't particularly safe, making him smile sheepishly as he took it with red cheeks. 

"Oh, yeah..." The hero nodded, taking the glowing gum as she shook her head and smiled. Such a doofus...but even if he was embarrassed, he couldn't help the rush of affection in his chest when she tenderly kissed his neck to hide her amused expression. 

"Have I told you how beautiful you look today?"

"Several times."

"Well, it's true," Ray remarked, grabbing her chin and tilting it up so he could see her eyes when she bashfully looked down with hot ears. 

He bent down again, capturing her lips much more gently this time, moving slowly until her mouth opened, allowing his tongue to slip in again. Seconds or hours passed - neither knew how long - until they were breathless and grinning like idiots, feeling like their dark yet cosy corner had gone from frigid to unbearably scorching. God knows what was happening in the main room, a thought that slipped through (y/n) 's mind as her beloved doofus grasped and squished her ass in his large palm. 

"Ray?" She asked quietly, weak and throaty as their lips brushed together again before he found her neck, forcing her head to tilt back. What was her point again? Everything went out of her mind as he suckled and nipped on her skin, pushing his face closer when he hummed against her throat. 

"Hmmm?"

"Those villains insulted your book. Aren't you gonna punch them?" His lips froze over a fleeting mark, not even bothering to darken it into staying for a few more seconds. 

Suddenly, Ray remembered his purpose, hands momentarily squeezing her flesh a little too hard as his muscles remembered their strength, and his brain recalled why he was so fucking mad in the first place. Right before this temptress walked in, he was hell-bent on revenge... And he still wanted to show those losers that he was superior. 

"God, yes..." the man growled, pulling away to stare darkly into her pretty eyes, smirking in satisfaction when she shuddered at the sight of him. There she went again, seducing him without even realising it. 

"One more kiss, though..." (y/n) was helpless to stop him, not that she wanted to. 

She pulled him in by his collar until their noses brushed under that stupid hood of his, drinking down his taste as he rocked against her body. Everything would make later that night so much sweeter, going deeper and deeper until their lungs burned and begged for mercy, although Ray swore he could survive on her honey-like taste alone. 

"Okay...come on. You've had your fun," the heroine told him firmly, physically having to rip herself away from his unbearably hot body; otherwise, she would've let him have his way right there in the corridor. Pressing his gum tube into his palm, she fumbled to bring hers out of the only place she could've stored in a dress with no pockets - the built-in bra. 

"Don't even..." she told her husband sternly as her fingers dipped past the neck and pulled the warm glass cylinder out from between her boob. She wasn't stupid, knowing that Ray's eyes were glued to her cleavage, aching like a virgin teenager for even the tiniest glimpse of her bare flesh - like he hadn't seen it all before.

"Fun? Well, that was mildly entertaining, darlin', but I'll show you a good time when we get home," he rumbled gruffly, popping a gumball with a flushed face when she caught him staring. It wasn't his fault; she was just too hot, and he was such a her man, utterly in love with all of her features, some finer than others. 

"Don't you always?" The woman threw the flirtatious comment over her shoulder with the candy she popped into her mouth, chewing slowly as they laughed. A warm hand took hers as Ray mimicked her movement, turning the gum all sticky and squishy before they blew their bubbles and transformed into their costumes. 

It felt good to be Captain Man and Miss Danger again, grinning and checking each other out since their uniforms were infinitely better-looking than those angsty disguises. She was beautiful, and he was handsome, looking like the perfect pair as he brushed her hair behind her ear and pecked her lips one last time.

"God, I love you..."

"I know..." And (y/n) grinned the whole way out of the room. 

Of course, they couldn't sneak out the way they'd come in; any observant villain would put two and two together and surmise that Hawkfist was Captain Man, etcetera. So, they took the long way, routing around the back of the warehouse until they could approach from the other side of the room. They had the element of surprise on their side, Ray going first with his sweet girl hot on his heels as the sound of angry voices grew louder. 

It was a tremendous racket like a thunderstorm in a tin can, and when the heroes peeked out from the door they tiptoed through, they could see Chapa and Bose looming over The Butcher. He lay on the floor, unconscious, after the girl was forced to defend herself with her superpower because Bose couldn't keep his mouth shut. Miles and Mika were nowhere to be seen - hopefully safely back at the Man's Nest like the heroine instructed. 

"It's Volt!" The Lizard Girl hissed, pointing directly at Chapa as she took an uncharacteristically timid step back. She didn't know what to do now that she'd revealed her true identity, feeling like a million eyes were staring back at her and Bose - but they weren't alone. 

"All right, you jerks!" Ray chose his moment wisely, jumping into action with his beloved wife before anyone could harm a single hair on his sidekicks' heads. He stormed over to the group of baffled villains, all of whom were utterly stunned to see the snarling hero in their lair - with Miss Danger looking equally pissed. 

"Anyone wanna make fun of my book now?" They were the wrong people to ask, boldly throwing insults about his sloppy plotline, poor spelling, and awful pacing as (y/n) quickly checked over the children, cupping their cheeks before pushing them behind her back. 

They'd done beautifully, but now it was time to let her and Ray fight, and boy, he was mad about the brazen mockery of his treasured novel. Glancing at each other, the couple rolled their eyes and sighed, knowing that some things never changed, but at least they could get revenge for a genuinely terrible evening. 

"I hate you all," Ray sighed as some randomer pressed play on the stereo system, anticipating an epic brawl. 

The villains felt pretty confident, sizing up the admittedly bulky hero and his pretty, if puny, wife, and decided they were no match for them. They were hideously outnumbered, even if they cracked their knuckles and stretched their backs, calmly waiting for the oncoming storm--well, they could have it. Anything to avenge their fallen comrade and find justice for invading their territory. 

"Get 'em!" Betty Blades screeched, and that was when all hell broke loose. 

A tall man flung himself at Ray first, easily a couple of inches taller than the hero. Still, he repelled him quickly with a swift punch across the jaw before elbowing him in the throat. As he fell to the floor, a blonde, cruel-looking woman snuck up on the hero with all the agility and feline wickedness of a cat, moving to pounce and dig her claws into him if it wasn't for (y/n) anticipating her move. 

She saw the attack in her mind, moving perfectly in time as her eyes shimmered like pearls, allowing her to grab the bitch by her shoulders before she could lay a hand on her doofus. Curling an arm around her neck, she held her still long enough for Ray to boot her in the stomach, a pained groan leaving the villainess as she crumpled to the floor, clutching her abdomen. 

Another swathe of villains approached, teaming up three against two as the couple backed up toward the bar until their elbows brushed, trying to keep all eyes on their foes. Suddenly, a thick, rusty, iron chain wrapped around Ray's neck from behind, causing (y/n) to gasp and break focus for a split second to glance upwards and see an evil man sneering at the struggling hero from a concrete ledge. 

"Captain Man!" She cried, feeling her heart lurch when her husband scrambled for oxygen, even though she knew he'd be fine. That's when the three cornering them made them move, storming forward while the man was weak. 

They targeted Miss Danger, who recognised one as the guy who fought Henry once - Kyle or something - so she knew he meant business. She blocked one of his punches, holding his fist in her hand before uppercutting his chin with the other, sending him stumbling backwards. But she couldn't take on three at once, not when the men had arms as thick as her thighs and infinite strength. Hence, as she dodged a few more blows from a guy in a red jacket, Ray ignored the stinging agony around his throat and kicked out at anyone who dared lay a finger on her.  

He snarled at those who hurt her, growling lowly at how they pathetically tried to keep him from her side. Finding a break in the waves of attackers, he lurched forward, pulling the villain above him down against the concrete so his face was in range for a damn good pummeling. A swift punch to the nose rendered him out like a light, loosening his grip on the chain so the hero could steal it and breathe freely again. 

"You okay, sweet girl?" Ray asked breathlessly, catching her in a brief, free moment as chaos reigned around them. Bose was unconscious for some reason, and Chapa was terrorising Betty Blades with her lightning, but still, the doofus looked at her like all was right in the world. And if she was okay, then everything was. 

"Never better--doofus!" The woman grunted, her smiling vanishing when the guy who swung the first punch returned for round two. This time, he aimed for her, throwing his body weight into the blow as (y/n) ducked, giving her husband space to block his arms with brute raw strength. 

Before they knew it, the blonde was backing, stunning (y/n) with some fancy flips as she cartwheeled and twisted her way across the floor--what was wrong with walking? She didn't have time to help Ray as he took a swipe to the cheek, slumping winded against a barrel before taking on Kyle one-on-one. 

For someone so high and mighty, he went down with a single punch as Miss Danger cat-slapped the woman with the back of her hand, smirking satisfactorily when she sharply kicked her shin with the metal toe of her heeled boot. That was for trying to hurt her husband. In the blink of an eye, the couple found themselves back-to-back in a circle of villains, taking on whoever stepped into the ring. Others watched from the sidelines, egging their friends on. 

One guy in a red jacket swung at (y/n), only to receive a straight left to the nose as Ray punched Kyle in the gut, wondering why Henry had struggled so much with him before. A swift kick in the face and he flew into the buffet table, sending cheese puffs and plastic cups everywhere as he cried for his mama. 

Meanwhile, his pretty girl smirked at the catty lady, expertly ducking and weaving every time she tried to claw out her eyes, predicting every swipe with seconds to spare until she caught her arm on the final blow. It was too easy to shove her off her balance, watching with a giggle as the acrobatic woman fell face-first into a cardboard box with her legs kicking in the air. 

But there was no time to get cocky; out of nowhere, some lunatic charged at Ray, rugby-tackling him with his arms locked around the hero's waist as they tumbled through a wooden door, making even the most hardened, desensitised villains wince. Some fled for their lives, too weak or cowardly to take on the fearless crimefighters, and (y/n) noticed how The Lizard Twins were among the fleeing monsters. Whilst she was sad to miss the chance to fight them, she scoffed in amusement - some bad guys they were. 

Some were smarter than others, though, knowing when to leave a party, and Book Thievin' Steven was no exception. He knew when he was beaten, seeing how the heroes effortlessly tipped the scales until the crowd thinned, leaving only the roughest, toughest of villains fighting. And he was neither of those things, more like a delicate flower than a bloodthirsty fighter, so he turned to run...only to run into Volt's arms. 

"Oh, no!" She smirked, and with Bose's help, they twisted his hands behind his back, taking him as their prisoner since he was the thief they'd come to apprehend. He didn't put up much of a fight, whining like a little bitch as the children meanly slapped his wrists in handcuffs, barking orders to be silent or else. 

He should've counted himself lucky, given that the people he'd been bragging to all night had to face Captain Man and Miss Danger. The couple showed no mercy; when Ray tossed his attacker through the remaining splinters of the door, (y/n) was there to meet him with her flying fist. 

There were barely any villains left standing, only the stubborn with wobbly legs and bruised faces still fighting. When one got to his feet, all the hero had to breeze past him and flick him on the nose to knock him out, more intent on reaching his sweet girl than bothering with a loser who didn't know when to give up. 

"Boo!" He grinned when he saw her sneak up on The Lawn Ranger, shouting into his ear so the leafy weirdo practically jumped out of his skin when he realised how close the heroine was. He'd spent the entire fight cowering behind the bar, all too happy to let someone else be his shield, but now he was out of options - except one. 

"MOMMY, COME HELP ME!" The so-called criminal screeched, glancing from the woman with her hands on her hips to her hulking husband, who threateningly flexed his biceps as he stomped toward him. 

Ray wasn't interested in The Lawn Ranger, not even sparing him a glance as he ran for the exit with a wet patch on the front of his pants. No, he wanted the asshole on the kedge, who, despite all his friends falling like dominoes, remained on the high ground, knowing he had the advantage over the heroes if he stayed there. 

While (y/n) picked off the stragglers on the floor, Ray bunny-hopped over the bar, risking everything and clambering up to where the villain waited with bared teeth. Hunched over with a thick metal pipe in his grip as a makeshift weapon, the man held his nerve until he had the fearsome Captain Man towering over him, and all he had to do was bellow to make the guy pee himself. 

Shrieking like a terrified child, the metal pipe clattered on the floor concrete as the villain took the intelligent option and dove through a boarded-up window. He'd rather have a broken arm than any of the wounds the hero would inflict, leaving Ray gloating and smiling victoriously until he turned around to grin at his beloved wife. And what he saw made his vision fade to red. 

In the time Ray had climbed up to the rafters, (y/n) had battled a handful of weakened villains. None were exceptionally challenging, running away when they knew they were beaten or collapsing when she swiftly overpowered them. But one guy was annoyingly tough--too stubborn to go down without a fight. 

She'd punched him. That didn't work. She'd kicked him. He didn't even flinch. She even tried kneeing him in the groin, but apparently, he had balls of steel. He had, too; only those with some severe nerve had the guts to wrap their hairy hands around Miss Danger's throat. It all happened quickly; one minute, she held her own, blocking all of his rapid jabs, and the next, one hand came out of nowhere. It squeezed her airways too tightly to be comfortable. 

She gasped, but no sound came out, nails scratching at his wrist as her tummy fizzled and popped with nerves, eyes sliding in her doofus' direction. Fighting for air, she kicked out at the man, weakly tapping his shins as her toes brushed the ground, threatening to lift her off her feet entirely when Ray finally noticed. 

If there was one line a villain shouldn't cross, it was this one; they could hurt him all they wanted, but Miss Danger? She was off limits, so this asshole had to pay. 

With his jaw clenched and teeth gnashing, Ray glanced around at his surroundings, knowing he had to get down there--and fast. He didn't want to risk the bastard spotting him, so he quickly set his sights on a chain by his elbow, unhooking it from a post before giving it a few tugs to check its strength. 

As (y/n)'s eyes rolled back, he took his chance, swinging like Tarzan until his stretched leg collided with the guy's face. His body contorted and flipped from the sheer impact, separating him from the gasping heroine as he crumpled at her feet, setting her free. Her fingers rubbed at her sore throat, blinking back tears as Ray gracefully landed and glared at the knocked-out man, secretly wishing no one was looking so he could rain down a little more pain. 

"Keep your dirty hands off my wife..." he snarled to deaf ears, panting as heavily as (y/n) as he stomped and loomed over the limp body. One second, he was all rage and testosterone, making the onlooking woman gulp as he stood there with his chest heaving and fists clenched. But the next, he turned to her, all doe-eyed and smiling, lightly stepping over and taking her into his arms like she was made of glass. 

"Sweet girl, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Captain. Thank you for saving me..." (y/n) replied breathlessly, placing her palms against his chest as she looked up at him through her eyelashes, smiling sweetly. His hands tightened on her waist, humming throatily as he kissed her lips, slightly chapped from the fight, but he didn't mind. 

"You can thank me later tonight," he whispered in her ear, lightly nibbling her earlobe as she breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed into his embrace, leaning her forehead on his shoulder. 

As if by magic, his hands glided over her back, soothing any soreness or ache from the battle, turning her into putty until she'd do anything he said, practically purring as he nuzzled her hair. She was safe; that was all Ray could think of, letting his anger melt away because he couldn't feel anything but love when he held her, swearing he'd found heaven when--

"Captain Man! Miss Danger! We got him."

"We got the book thief!" Two chirpy voices interrupted their bliss just when Ray was about to taste that sweet, sweet honey again. Annoyingly, (y/n) pulled away with warm cheeks, shy to see Chapa and Bose standing across the room, watching every moment as they held Book Thievin' Steven by his arms, preventing him from escaping. Those little...it was like they didn't want him to love his wife.

"Guys! Great job!" The heroine praised them, clapping her hands and nudging her doofus to at least smile as she noticed his irritated grimace from the corner of her eye. He was such a grumpy pants, moody because he didn't get a kissy--as if she wouldn't smother him with them when they got home. 

But Ray begrudgingly conceded, offering the beaming kids a brief, proud smile as Steven groaned, wishing he was anywhere but the same room as the lovey-dovey couple. While Miss Danger was hot, it made him want to puke when he saw her...canoodling with Captain Man, turning that old stickler into a lovesick puppy - a bigger moron than ever. Of all the people to capture him, it had to be them - the gratingly in-love it-couple of the city. 

"Now, let's see who he really is!" Bose exclaimed before roughly grabbing the criminal's chin, yanking and tugging his skin like his skin would peel away like a mask, revealing another man underneath. But this wasn't some slapstick cartoon, making Steven wince and yelp as the boy pinched his cheeks, much to his friends' amusement. 

"Ahh! OW! My face!"

"BrainStorm, buddy...there's no mask," Ray told him gently, an arm wrapped around his wife's waist as she giggled. She couldn't say the thief didn't deserve it. 

"Okay, so, what do we do with him?" The boy asked innocently, releasing Steven's cheeks with a disappointed pout as the man struggled against their hold. Still, the question made everyone stop and think, imagining plenty of suitable punishments, some stronger than others. Of course, Chapa and her vividly diseased imagination came up with the best ones. 

"I have ideas..." She grinned at her teachers, waggling her eyebrows suggestively as her captive gulped. He wasn't stupid; he knew Volt was the least reasonable of the younglings Captain Man had recently taken under his wing. But surely, they wouldn't let him suffer, would they?

Would they?

~

Oh, they would. 

Out of everything Steven had imagined for their cruel torture, this had to be the worst. He could've been hung, drawn, and quartered, but Miss Danger didn't like the mess. They could've ripped out his fingernails and mailed them to his mother, but ShoutOut thought that was too morbid. They could've banished him to the North Pole, but Volt said that was too babyish. 

They bounced ideas around like a beach ball until the fiery-tempered girl suggested something utterly brilliant--borderline evil for those goody-goody lot. He begged them not to do it, pleading, praying, screaming he'd do anything else. They could brandish him a thief for all to see, and he swore never to steal again on pain of death. But no, his sobs fell on deaf ears. 

Book Thievin' Steven needed to be taught a good, hard lesson, Chapa told her friends as she fastened a thick, corded restraint around his chest, having already bound his hands behind his back. After fleeing The Beatin' Dungeon, Danger Force, Miss Danger, and Captain Man brought the man back to the Man's Nest, sitting him on a chair in the middle of the room as the wicked girl cooked up their revenge.

It was simple, really; she'd had Schwoz prepare most of it, setting up a TV near the villain as it played a cosy recording of a crackling log fire since they didn't have one of their own. Across from that, Ray was all tucked up and relaxing in a ratty, worn armchair. It looked disgusting but was deliciously comfortable with its aged cushions and leather upholstery. He wasn't allowed to change out of his uniform, sitting by Steven and the fake fire with the pièce de résistance in his hand, waiting for the torture to commence. 

"Please, don't..." Steven sniffled as Volt ensured his bonds were pulled tight and secure, ignoring the tears in his eyes as Ray flicked through a copy of Man! I Feel Like A Hero!

Oh, yeah. She went there. If there was one thing villains hated, it was Ray's book - the thing that put fear in their hearts more than death, destruction, or torture. This was worse than hell but a win-win situation for the hero. He waited patiently for his sweet girl to appear after she'd slipped away to change into something more comfortable, eager to snuggle up with him as he read to her like they did in bed every night. 

That was where Chapa's secret weapon hid. 

"I'll do anything!"

"Settle down, buddy. You're gonna be here for thirty-two Cap-ters, an epilogue, an alt ending, and a whole section at the end where I teach you whole to draw a cartoon version of me," Ray told Steven with an excited grin, having turned to page one. There was a lot more to get through, striking terror in the thief's chest as he turned to Chapa in one last bid for mercy - he couldn't bear the thought of listening to the hero droning on and on and on...

"No, no, no, no, please! Please! Please!" He sobbed, not that the girl cared. Rolling her eyes, she turned her back on him, smiling briefly at (y/n) as she entered the room in her pyjamas before returning to where the other kids sat at the couch table. 

"Steven, my guy, there's no use in trying. Just sit there and take it like man," the woman advised him as she sauntered up to her doofus, looking utterly adorable in her silky pee-jays, save for the mask still stuck to her face. It was Miss Danger at the end of her day, looping around the armchair to smile at her husband, who finally tore his eyes away from his beloved book to see something far more precious. 

"Hey, doofus...did I miss anything?"

"Nope, you're just in time, sweet girl, and you're even wearing my favourite shorts..." Ray cooed in a sickeningly sweet voice, giving her a knowing look before uncrossing his legs to welcome her into his embrace, tapping his thigh with his free hand. After such a long day, he wanted his wife as close as possible, especially when her legs went on and on and on for days in those booty shorts. 

"Why don't you take a seat right here?"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart," she giggled, eagerly placing herself on his knee and leaning back into his chest. Her legs draped over the arm of the chair as her hand hovered behind his head to play with the tufts of his hair, wriggling in his embrace to get comfy. 

There was no better spot in The Nest, in her opinion, tucking her face into the crook of his neck and placing a kiss there as Ray grinned, finally at peace now that he had her where he wanted. He put the book between them, resting it in her lap as he found his place again, murmuring some incoherent sweet nothings as Steven looked on in horror. 

Aw, hell, no, he couldn't watch this. 

"First! The introduction, written by me," Ray gloated, turning his chin slightly to find his wife's lips as she rolled her eyes. She knew this would be just one big boast battle for him, already knowing the life and secrets of the mighty hero, but she didn't mind. Nowadays, it was a luxury to spend so much quiet time with him, humming appreciatively against his lips to create a disgustingly unmistakable smacking sound. 

"NOOOOOO! You can't expect me to sit here with these two...lovebirds! I'm gonna throw up!" Steven wailed, screwing up his face when he saw the couple locking lips--practically eating each other's faces. Where was Captain Man putting his hands?! They slid from her ribs to her waist and even curled around to cup her butt, pulling Miss Danger further onto his lap as he...groaned. Oh, God...

"Hot chocolate just tastes better after you catch a bad guy," Chapa sighed as she ignored the wails across the room. 

The book was bad enough, but the real torture lay in forcing Steven to endure the couple's handsy, undying love and affection. They lived through it every day, seeing kisses, pinches, pats, and advances that scared their poor, pure minds. If they had to see it, so did he - a just punishment for such a heinous crime, and everybody won except for Steven. 

"Everything does," Bose agreed, sipping his rich, sweet drink before taking a bit bite of the styrofoam cup. It was a wonder that he was still alive, making his friends wince in shame and confusion as he happily munched on the bland, chewy plastic like it was tasty - did he think it was food?

"Honey, don't..."

"Just let him..." Chapa sighed as Mika tried to warn the boy otherwise. Still, she knew it was useless - practically survival of the fittest by now. So, she reached for the thermos pitcher in the middle of the table as Miles eyed it hungrily since he apparently wasn't allowed any for the most trivial reasons. 

"Can I get a little hot chocolate?" He asked the girl politely, only to receive a curt look as she stood up and took the thermos away. 

"Did you catch a bad guy?"

"I saved ShoutOut," he replied as Mika smiled brightly, thinking that such a noble deed deserved a reward, given that it was arguably the other half of a hero's job. Stop a bad guy and save someone - wasn't that the job description?

"So, you caught a good guy?" Chapa hummed pedantically, toying with her friend for the sake of being difficult - mainly because the smoochy-smoochy sounds from that armchair were grating her nerves. 

"Okay, that's not fair," Mika told her, acting as the voice of reason like always, but Chapa didn't listen. She merely sipped her hot chocolate and stiffened her upper lip, wanting the sweet, chocolatey goodness all to herself after nearly getting hounded by a group of vicious villains. 

"Tastes pretty fair to me..." she sniffed, causing her friends to argue about how mean she could be sometimes. 

(y/n) had said it once, but they'd say it again; if she wanted to have friends, she needed to be friendly, although none of it got through to her. The rowdy conversation soon broke the tranquillity of the Man's Nest, forcing the happy couple by the fire to stop kissing - even the notion - and sigh. How were they meant to subtly tease each other--or torture Steven if they couldn't hear themselves think?

"Hey, let's cut the chatter back there!" Ray yelled to them, his cheek smushed against (y/n)'s forehead as the room fell silent, much to his satisfaction. He'd finally perfected that line, settling into his comfy chair with his wife in his arms as he turned to the book's first words - the children's prompt to get up and leave.  

And so, it began. 

"Cap-ter one--The Beginning," he read aloud, ignoring the thief's sobs as the kids quickly scattered, not wanting to hear another line of that drivel or witness how their friend kissed up his neck. 

"It all just kinda Captain'ed... My father was an irresponsible scientist, and it was Bring Your Kid To Work Day."

"Heh, I got that joke there, doofus," (y/n) giggled, utterly bored of hearing her husband's founding story for the billionth time, but she loved the little pun. He was so dorky and adorable, giving her that doofy grin as she stroked his cheeks, thankful she couldn't see Steven behind her. She could hear his whimpers and groans, but it spurred her with her open affection, knowing that this was supposed to be a punishment, and when in Rome...

"You liked it, sweet girl? Well, there's plenty more where that came from..." Ray grinned, leaning down to kiss her again, laying it on thick for their guest as he turned his nose up at the tongue action. 

"Oh my God, can't you guys go do that in your own room?!" He shrieked in a panicked voice, legs flailing when Miss Danger freely rolled her body against her lover's, whispering something filthy in his ear as her hand trailed down his chest. Thank God Chapa was dozing far away on the couch with a cowboy hat covering her ears... It made him blush just picturing it. 

"We already did," (y/n) replied over her shoulder, making her and Ray giggle like children as Steven audibly gagged. He'd wondered where they'd snuck off to when they first arrived at this hell hole. Still, now he had sick images in his mind, and now that he thought about it, the heroine's pyjamas were crumpled when she walked in...

"Twice." Oh, God, kill him now. Hell hath no fury like a doofus hath love for his sweet girl.

[bbyquokka]

Everyone asking for needy han meanwhile I'm here thinking of a convo we had of just Binge watching Studio Ghibli films with him, 🥺💖 like he keeps asking you sure you can watch one more movie? You're 2 films in, and as he goes to play another movie you're just sleeping all peacefully with your head on his chest, and then the members walk in and they're like did she really fall asleep? And he's all like looking down at you and just smiles " yeah its okay tho she's adorable "

this is something i want so badly 🥺😭

FLUFF BELOW CUT

warnings: fem!reader, she/her pronouns, a lot of floof!!

movie night. Fridays are always yours and Jisung's movie nights, you both made that apparent the day you both got together.

this Friday night, is no different. the band members were kind enough to give you and Jisung some personal space. they all opted in visiting a bar restaurant which meant that they wouldn't be home until past midnight - perfect for you and Jisung

the living area dimly lit, bowls of popcorn and sweets on the coffee table with some drinks. you're dressed in a spaghetti strap vest and shorts whereas Jisung is in grey sweats and no top - skin on skin contact is an absolute must for you both

situated between his legs, head on his bare chest, you hum in content feeling warm and loved from your better half. the fleece blanket providing you both some extra warmth on this cold, winter night.

Spirited Away being the first movie of the night. you both re-enact some scenes, going along with the voice lines and laugh softly if one of you messes up. throwing popcorn and candy into your mouths before exchanging sweet kisses.

Howls Moving Castle being the second. You nuzzle into Jisung's chest, wanting to feel even closer to him, his arms holding you gently, fingers gently tracing small patterns on your skin making it tingle and goose bumps to say hello

Halfway through the film, your eyelids start to feel heavy. you don't want to sleep, not yet at least! just a few more glorious minutes with Sungie...

but his warmth and comfort is overpowering. his soft chuckles rippling from his chest, his heartbeat providing you some soothing asmr to your ears as does his slow breathing.

don't fight this losing battle of sleep.

“another one?” Jisung says, looking down. he coos at your sleeping figure, soft snores escaping your parted lips. his heart melts as does he. you're the most precious thing to him and to see that you feel safe enough with him to fall asleep, does something to him.

his heart feels like it going to burst from all the happiness and love he feels. butterflies erupting in his stomach - this is blissful.

he reaches for his phone, careful not to wake you. he checks the time, which is currently past 1 am, meaning the band members will be back any minute now. he quickly snaps a photo of you, squealing silently to himself before saving it at his wallpaper. he kisses the top of your head gently, stroking your hair as the band members barge in in their usual noisy manner

“can't believe you lost at rock paper scissors, yet again changbin!” Chan states, the members laughing as they all pile in.

“he just sucks, that's all!” Seungmin says with a hint of playfulness in his voice.

“YA! I do not suck, okay! just... bad luck” Changbin says in his usual loud tone. normally, Jisung wouldn't mind all the noise and commotion, but when he sees your nose scrunch up and a hand rubbing your eye slowly, he frowns

“hey uhm. I don't wanna sound like that guy, but could yall just keep the noise down a lil.”

the guys look at Jisung, then you before laughing softly.

“sorry, Ji!” Changbin apologies. Jisung smiles before shaking his head.

“did she really fall asleep on you?” Minho does his short, rapid blinks, not being able to gauge the scene in front of him.

“yeah.” jisung looks down at your sleeping frame, smiling softly and lovingly at you. “yeah, she did but she's adorable so I don't mind.”

→ TAGS [open]: @chaneomma | @sstarryoong | @meltheninja13 | @laylasbunbunny

[flooferbutt]

Meet my system members!

here i will be introducing y'all to my headmates :3

now including emote signoffs!

Count: ~14 members

w lil blinkies i made with blinkies.cafe

All moodboards are made by me, please do not use them! :3

note: i also get shifts of my headmates cos they are nonhuman!

note #2: a "floof" is basically a cat with horns and sheep ears, and floofs is the unofficial name of my original species

"Come along now, run away from the humdrum

We'll go to a place that is safe from

Greed, anger and boredom"

Cosmo Sheldrake "Come Along"

Apple : (they/them, stem/juice) A long bouncy floof with cream-colored fur in different shades, countershaded - light on the underside, darker on their back - and white freckles on the darker shades. They wear a white and red plaid bandana, and they always have an apple to munch on. Apple is cheerful and clever, and they love climbing trees and baking in the kitchen.

🎃 Autumn : (spook/spooky/spooks/spookself) Orange, white & violet floof with lots of fluffy fur, feathered wings, and autumn leaves in spooks fur; Autumn is basically the embodiment of the season and is fallxenic (seasogender), spook is mute and can only really squeak. Spook is even tempered and a lil odd, and just kinda hangs out lol

we need a better blinkie for spook TwT

🌱 Basil : (they/them : spri/sprig/sprouts/sproutself) A lanky Canadian lynx with white and brown fur and dark stripes and spots, with little plants (like '🌱') growing from sprouts head and tail; spri is a daydreamer and prefers plants over people, is always in sprouts garden being a dork :3 bloomcore kind of boi

🥀 Bayun : (they/them) A black Manx cat with red eyes! they are sweet and curious most of the time but they bite! they're also Russian; possible demon kin?

🗡 Brazier : (he/him) Big orange and white and black floof; Brazier is scottish and grumpy and sturdy, a blacksmith, and he's got a twisted hind leg which needs a brace to be kept straight

☕ Cocoa : (they/them) A floofy chubby brown classic-tabby floof, with sleepy blue eyes and a cinnamon roll kind of look. They're the system mom figure and are very chonk, loves coffee (which has no effect on the sleepy factor), and they smell like chocolate and cinnamon

💜 Dusky : (he/him/star) A slender male floof with shades of dark blue and lavender and black for fur, with white toes, a white chin and a white spot on his chest. Dusky is quiet and reserved while kind and helpful, eager to please.

🌌 Firefly "Nexus" : (they/them) A dark blue floof with bioluminescent yellow dapples, they are a pet floof and wear a collar; they're mischievous and curious, always getting into stuff! They love food

🌙 Grayling : (they/he) A grayscale floof with layered marks, countershaded; they wear a hufflepuff scarf and they're shy and quiet, they prefer books rather than people and carry their trusty brown teddy bear. They fit most into the harry potter universe and have shown themself to be London British

🕸 Hemstitch : (they/them) A round black-gray floof with dark green buttons for eyes; they're from the coraline universe tbh, and they're timid and gentle with a fear of sharp things. They live in your attic /j

🍂 James : (he/him : spi/spice) A ginger and cream floof with darker overcoat markings, lots of layers in his pelt coloring, with brown freckles like pumpkin spice on a latte :3 He has bright sky blue eyes and wears big round wire rimmed glasses, nerd style; he's polite and clever and loves books, generally a college student and autumn boi. He likes to wear oversized sweaters, and fingerless mitts for his mitts; he's got the London kind of British thing going on

🔥 Flame "Lordie" : (he/him) A large-ish black floof with red and orange, jagged horns and fiery swirl eyes, he's been my oc for the longest time, and finally he joins me in my system :D He has some fire powers, is confident and decisive, tho he can be aggressive (not an "evil alter" guys, he just bites a lil)

🌊 Seaglass : (they/them) A smol round floof. Their fur is patterned like a Finnish mutation cat in shades of tan and seafoam green on mainly white fur. Seaglass is blind and their eyes are cloudy white; they hate water and rain, and they're very quiet and soft spoken.

🍄 Sweetie : (they/them) A brown/gray tabby cat with olive eyes, they're a cerebellar hypoplasia / wobbly cat! Like some of the others they were an oc before kin and headmate; they're just a cheerful boi and they jus kinda love their life :D they have a mushroomcore and forestcore aesthetic

that's everyone so far ❤

I'll be updating if anyone else shows up, thank you for reading!

Love from the floof collective!

🍃🐾

🐾🍃

[artflameball]

What if I made a Benrey timeline thing and was sobbing the whole time

[ID: Five colored drawings of Benrey over the years. Each drawing is next to a bunch of bullet points listing off headcanons for that period of time.

This design of Benrey has pale skin, upside-down hearts on his cheeks, long black nails, pointy elf ears, a small scar on his upper lip, and long, fluffy black-blue hair with a heart ahoge. His eyes change color based on his stress level - they're blue if he's okay or happy, but turn yellow if he's stressed or not feeling good.

The first drawing is Benrey when he's a test subject for Black Mesa. He looks like he's somewhere around three to five years old. He's wearing an oversized hospital gown - the sleeves are too big and don't show his hands. He isn't wearing any shoes. You can see a few of his scars, which look fresh. His pointy ears are drooped. The shadow under his eyes is completely black. He's glancing around nervously, pupils slitted, eyes yellow. He looks scared.

The bullet points beside him read:

Pictured: actual size

Found on Xen when he was like two or three in human years and brought to Black Mesa

Was experimented on to figure out his healing abilities, but they couldn't be replicated in humans

Experiments continued for Definitely Scientifically Justified Reasons Not At All Just The Scientists Torturing Him To Get All Their Anger Out

"I made breakthroughs in science!" "You fucked up a perfectly good child is what you did. Look at him, he's got trauma."

Got the mindset that he's inherently evil hammered into his brain

Left ONCE when he was five and met seven year old Gordon, but was captured again pretty quickly

Managed to escape with the help of Tommy when he was about 21-22

This period of his life lasts about 20 years

The second drawing is Benrey when he's a security guard, somewhere in his early 20s. He's wearing the security guard outfit - helmet, vest, blue button-up shirt, tie, boots, gun holster - and his hair is floofing out of the helmet. He's wearing fingerless gloves as well. He's leaning backwards a bit, hands balled into fists, arms by his side, a bit tense, eyes blue but tinged with yellow at the edges.

The bullet points beside him read:

wadda hell... gay lil security guard

Benrey came back to Black Mesa a few months after escaping, working as a security guard because he liked them and they were nice to him (they weren't as bad as the scientists)

Honestly I don't have a lot to say here about specifically him being a guard

It was after getting out of experiments that he discovered and absolutely fell in love with video games. He has them all. He has played every video game in the ever.

He loves just standing around being strange and offputting

He has pierced ears! You cannot see them but

Left Black Mesa when he was 25 due to The Incident (the rescas lol)

This period of his life lasts about 3-4 years

The third drawing is Benrey post-Xen. He's a complete wreck. He's still in the security guard outfit, minus the vest, tie, and helmet, but it's torn up and stained with his purple blood. The sketch layer (which is half transparent) is on top of the color layer, conveying a sense of messiness. His hair is a mess, he's lost a lot of weight, his eyes are yellow, pupils dilated from numbness, the shadow under his eyes completely black. He looks foggy, distant, tired, just really fucked up.

The bullet points beside him read:

...You sacrifice yourself to save your best friends because you think you're an inherently evil monster and just be mentally fine afterwards.

So yeah, after Xen Benrey's... really not doing good. Drowning in guilt over everything, having all his worst thoughts about himself basically confirmed, and just mentally fucked in every way, Benrey just spirals really bad after respawning.

Where exactly he is after respawning varies depending on the fic. However he definitely falls into a really bad depression spiral after he gets out of Black Mesa and kinda isolates himself.

He is still wearing the guard uniform minus the vest and there is symbolism

This period of his life lasts for a number of months before the Science Team (probably Gordon) finds him. unless he respawns closer to the team in which case it lasts like a month or two at most

The fourth drawing is Benrey some time later. His hair is less messy, he's gained some weight, the shadow under his eyes is somewhat lighter, and his eyes are blue now. He's wearing brown pants, a black hoodie, a dark blue button-up, and a blue thigh strap. He looks like significantly less of a wreck than before.

The bullet points beside him read:

Get dragged out of your depression IDIOT

So the Science Team find him and start making him get better by force lol

He wears button ups under hoodies for a while due to nostalgia from Black Mesa

He STARTS unlearning the mindset of "I'm inherently evil," and starts learning to Not see people as inherently good because he likes them, but. He isn't there yet and won't be for a long long while. It's a slow process

He ALSO starts learning that Black Mesa torturing him was Bad Actually and it traumatized him a bit <\3

Xen drained a LOT of his energy and powers. He's probably never gonna be at 100% in terms of powers ever again, but that's ok

The fifth and last drawing is Benrey, a year or so post-Rescas. He's doing a lot better, and you can tell. He's wearing a blue chullo with an orange puffball on top and pink strings. His hair's poking out of the chullo. He has a dark blue hoodie with a rainbow PlayStation logo, pale blueish sweatpants, a pink thigh strap, and extremely colorful, messy, bright socks. He's gained a lot more weight, his eyes are blue and pupils dilated, the shadow under his eyes significantly lessened. He looks relaxed, and there's a smile on his face, his nostrils slightly flared (which they do that when he smiles). He looks genuinely happy.

The bullet points beside him read:

Live footage of me sobbing while drawing this because he looks so content and happy

This is about a year and a half or so after the Rescas? Maybe two years?

Actually in therapy (and maybe he starts taking antidepressants? idk)

He's doing a LOT better here than he was at any point before. Like even when he was a guard, if the scientists found out it was him they'd put him back into tests so there was that stress, plus he hadn't unlearned his toxic mindsets yet

His mental state still isn't perfect, he's still not There, the bad days are still bad, but holy shit he's doing so much better

probably dating gordon around here because fuck you lol

He always wear the most eyebleedingly colorful socks

I'm sorry this drawing makes me very happy and I'm crying again what the hell he gets to be happy!!!

Either he starts a justin.TV or he works at just Some Job and annoys people. If he ever comes face to face with a Karen they're so fucked he's so annoying eats him

Maybe even both, by day he annoys assholes into leaving, and by night he plays viddy games

End ID.]

Close ups under the cut

Not transcribing these because the transcript above already describes the contents, but I did add alt text

[borathae]

q&a idea: favorite long hairstyle(s) of bts? nominate one or several, however u like 👀

YOU HAVE ASKED ME A QUESTION I POSSIBLY COULDN'T ANSWER JFDJSF long haired!bangtan is my weakness I am spiralling at the mere thought of them

okay okay so let's do this 👀

curls: i painted this picture and have it hanging on my wall now, he is a god, i need him, 10/10

blonde streaks: it's giving 80s mullet, funky lil rapstar, i wanna twirl it, not a fan of the streaks but that's my own bad taste, 9/10

messy bangs: scrumdiddlyumptious, a sophisticated gentleman, it looks so short next to the floof, 9/10

dark: a boyfriend, looks messy but in a good way, like i just had sex messy, 10/10

bun: *barks*, the bleach kinda made his hair look dry though, i still want him, 9/10

brown: cute, a prince, a doll, i wanna run my hands through it, 10/10

perm: this also goes hand in hand with all the times he had curls, i wanna bury my face in it, i wanna mess it uppp, i want him, 10/10

bun: just whenever he wears buns & ponytails, i wanna tug on it, don't ask, i'm so obsessed with him, it's fucking ridiculous, 10/10

sidecut: whatever the fuck happened there, like why?, do you think this is funny?, i'm gonna combust, 10/10

purple: i love purple on him, or is this silver?, i can't tell, nonetheless, i love it, 10/10

dark: superior, rip to our hearts when he cut it, he looked so cute, 10/10

grammys: motherfu-, get outta here, i refuse to speak to him, 10/10

mullet?: is that a mullet?, either way i lost it when he had this hairstyle, it looks so short compared to how he had his hair in 2022, 9/10

floof: omgmgmgm, please, i wanna sob, him baby, cutie patootie, 10/10

prince: chef's kiss, i fucking miss him, he is such a boyfriend, i wuv him, 10/10

floof: this goes for all the times he had this hair, i want to coddle him, he is my precious baby, cheek kissies for days, sorry i'm too fragile to talk about this hairstyle for too long, 10/10

ponytail: *barks*, he is a whore, i need to tug on it and call him my slut, i'm scared of him, 10/10

mullet: i also painted this picture and have it hanging on my walls, he's art, deserves to be spoiled, 10/10

bun: i crave violence, i don't want to talk about it, i'm scared and afrain, somebody please help me, 10/10

the floof: how long is his hair gonna be?, and why am i crying?, i'm normal about this man, 10/10

king: idc that this is a wig, he would look so good with that hair, i was a legolas stan before i was a yoongi stan, when he wore that wig my two worlds collided, i gave birth when i saw it, 10/10

honorary mentions as a dirty, lil taegikook stan

whenever he tugs it behind his ears: cutie, my prince, i wanna spoil him rotten, 10/10

purple: *insert that one grinch audio where he barks*, straight up violence, 10/10

bob ross: so many people hated this hairstyle :(, i love it with my entire bosom, i wanna ruffle it, 10/10

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

The Dormizones are haunted

Which is par for the course, really, considering the Zariman as a whole is haunted. The Holdfasts are exceptionally solid ghosts, but the rest of the ship is full of them too. Abandoned halls and corridors and classrooms whisper and sigh with whatever the void has made of their dead

The group discover this not long after they renovate and move in to their lil corridor of four Dormizones. Doors open and close on their own. Sometimes objects wind up in places no one had left them. Sometimes it's things no one remembers having at all. Sometimes there's movement out of the corner of one's eye, words and laughter just beyond the edge of what an ear can reliably hear

It's not wise, to look for familiarity in any of it

But the ghosts are harmless neighbours, occasional visitors. Hako is slightly concerned and the warframes have their worries and skepticism too, but Kohlrabi, Keiko, and North figure that the ghosts have been here all this time. This is their home too, and it is no one's right to force them to leave

Sometimes it's footsteps in the corridor at night and sometimes it's muddy footprints to mop up next morning. Once, they're in the shape of a dick

Lanius is fond of the ghosts. They start locking up dangerous things for the night in their kitchen-turned-lab but they also leave sticky notes on what is okay to touch. Sometimes they leave their notes out on the table for the night, and someone visiting must have an interest in infested studies or microbiology, bc sometimes they find the notes shuffled differently in the morning

The kids' Dormizone is maybe the busiest. Alden sits down to tell a bedtime story over transference to get them to settle down for the night, and things keep falling off the shelves. Someone laughs, quiet and unfamiliar. When he says goodnight and turns out the light, the commotion quiets down good-naturedly

Sometimes Kodiak's tools go missing and sometimes they're right by his hand when he needs them. The little three-legged robot he's made as a proof of concept maybe a month ago wanders across the table without a power source to dump against his hand before going inert again. His imagination runs away on the idea of making toys for alleged children he cannot even see, and he calls himself ridiculous for it

North and Higgins' Dormizone is by far the quietest, bc Higgins is scared of the ghosts. Not overwhelmingly, but they creep him out the most, and unbeknownst to him the ghosts do not want him to be scared and so they mostly leave him (and by extension North) alone. Stuff still happens sometimes, floofs in places they shouldn't be, footsteps when there is no one, but not as much as anywhere else. North's quiet resignation to it helps Higgins treat it like normal

The only time their Dormizone is notably busy in terms of ghosts is a time when no one has the mind to care or notice. It's during North's first return to Duviri. Higgins is worried out of his mind, too busy thinking about North to think about ghosts, and everyone else is worried about them both. He's got no mind and no way to realise that the spare bed is piled with ghost children, invisible as always and fearfully watching the door that had appeared in the wall. Waiting for North to get back already. Waiting to see if Higgins will be okay

[sojrner-fishsticcc]

new hyperfixation girls!!!

okokok this is a lil weird but its like midight rn and i am HYPED AS FUCK!!!!! a while back i got really into fursuit stuff, like i was absolutely obsessed with it n i really wanted to make one. i finally went and bought a few of the materials - a big roll of foam, hot glue, sewing stuff, n then i like totally stressed myself out about it and dropped it entirely :\ that sucked, and it made me pretty sad for a while, but a few months have passed and its back! so im back at it, but this time im trying to be smarter abt it. i went into fursuit stuff with absolutely NO experience with sewing, modeling stuff irl, basically anything that would be important, and id be messing with expensive materials so uh. it was a bad idea. and i tried to do everything at once which fucked with me cos it was just too much work.

but this time i think i have a better idea! i really want to start simple, i plan on eventually making a mini partial, so head paws n maybe a tail. and im starting out as small as i can with just making a cardboard box head. like what cuptoast made to cover their face irl! just a box, stuff added onto it, im going specifically for just cardboard with sharpie and beige masking tape accents (going for both style AND funcionality!) so its going to be a lot simpler. its going to be a fun little experience to just practice making... things, in real life. what i plan on doing is kinda using this as a testbed. i love this project, its cool n i love it, but i want it to still be simple so if i fuck something up i can make it again and replace the parts. and slowly i want to ship-of-theseus her into a full head! im starting with just flat cardboard bits, so a box with flat ears and some floof n stuff, but i slowly want to modify her and swap out parts as individual projects. like at some point, i want to swap the basic drawn-on eyes for full on fursuit follow-mes, and add some foam padding to bits to slowly shape her out. its gonna be fun to build on her over the course of weeks or months, i even made a lil project name and badge for this! because of course i did :3. im calling it project rock salt because its gonna be of my oc salt, but i made a tweaked version of her design im calling "rock salt" because its more adapted to fursuit stuff. so floofier, no clothing items, not as complicated. and i thought of a really cute lil slogan of "foam, fur and faith" for it because i rlly like it. its nice, its going to be fun to learn all these craft skills.

ill try to update this (just kinda for myself, i really like just documenting this) as i add parts and upgrade her. hopefully the base box will be done this weekend! whichll just be the base parts, markers and tape. not doing eyeholes for seeing or padding for making her fit my head, just going to go as simple as i can, those bits can come later. also most of the money from my comms and models will go to her for buying materials for upgrades! because. i have a decent source of income from those now. so i can do stuff like this. so uh. thank you strange internet people :3 i promise ill pick back up on comms soon but i have finals next week so stuff is a lil hectic irl, and i dont want to commit to any stuff dealing with real money cos im anxious abt that. ill probably work on the box for the next while because its a super cool little project im happy to have picked up.

so ya! thats it for tonight! gonna post boxhead progress as i make stuff, but rn its just some basic sketching on cardboard, so there isnt much to show. ill share my scratchy stuff as it comes out but for now goodnight weird internet people! love you all!

[random-tickle-stuff]

Fuck it I made this a thing now

Tickle vampire Matt + some stuff about these cuddly night creatures!

Tickle vampires have a lot more floof on their cloaks, whether it be floofy ends or just a floofy cloak in general

They're eyes can vary between full pink, heart shaped, and normal ones but pink

As I said before they feast one laughter instead of blood! But they still have fangs for many reasons (like tickly nibbles)

They also still use their fangs to transform others into vampires, but the bites don't hurt, it's more of a small prick then anything!

Heart jewelry/accessories

Their ears have lil tufts of floof at the ends

Cuddly little bastards. Love hugs and snuggles (love to nuzzle peoples necks as well)

They're ears droop when they don't eat for long periods of time

Sadness is basically their garlic. It won't kill them but it's not good for them to be around negative auras for long periods of time

Sun still hurts them. Won't kill em, but is painful for them so they still pretty much only go out at night

Bonus tickle vampire (ticklepire??) Matt doodle

(Also if anyone would like to use this concept in either drawings or fics PLEASE tag me I wanna see all the stuff yall make >:D)

Yell hear me out

Vampires.

But instead of biting people and drinking their blood

They tickle them and feed off laughter

What would that be called- a tickle vampire? A ticklepire? Idk

Thoughts?

[raintailed]

hehehe i made all of the vanilla and downpour slugs with my base :]

details and stuff under the cut because i wanna talk about my designs

also they all have different ear shapes :]

Survivor

3′3″ (average height)

scars! :] one ear is also floppy due to being badly torn

Monk

3′3″

lil bit of soft floof

tail is slightly shorter than survivor’s

Hunter

3′8″

angry eyes and lots of scars :]

ears are set higher up on the head

actually has a lil bit of a dewlap but it looked weird on the sprite

Nightcat

3′3″

is... is this even a slugcat??

fur has and emits sparkles :]

dewlap!!

Artificer

2′9″

smol and dangerous

short, spiky fur that feels kinda like a hard-bristle paintbrush

ears are slightly shorter

eyebrows :]

sofanthiel!!!

Gourmand

4′0″

chunky!

the most magnificent dewlap

ears are smaller and wide-set

Rivulet

3′4″

wall-eyed sprite lol

the tail fin :]

has polydactyly! just like in the sleep screen art i think

Saint

3′6″

long, silky fur

mlem

the orange on the tail is based on some artwork of the saint (who appears to have an orange tail thanks to the lighting)

heterochromia :]

Spearmaster

3′1″

small but long

whiskers!

big huge gecko tail

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

So I was thinking about how an animal form could actually cause overstimulation with shifters preferring a hybrid form because it’s less overwhelming, and I innocently wondered, how do each of the gang stim if they stim in relation to their supernatural sides? And this includes Marc because I’m curious about him

Oo! Fun fun question lemme think

ok so

Juleka:

Juleka, and vampires in general, are very teethy, very, very mouth, mouth oriented? Thats a weird way to say it sorry.

She likes to like, poke, at her fangs a lot. Bites on things just for the pressure, wants to, wants to hold stuff in mouth, yknow? Yknow? Yeah.

Alya:

I can see like, like, repetitive motions, looking going on her phone to just scroll between the screens of apps and stuff? Plays with her like, lil phone charms I see her having.

Sabrina:

Very, she, I can see her wanting bonk. With her head? Like cause of her antlers? And her tail stims and waves around a lot, and with the fluffy bit, she can grab and like, like poof, poof the floof, a bit, yknow?

Alix:

Fidgets with her pocketwatch, strings of her sweater. Checks her watch just to flick it open. I mean, she's the only human, so idk what else to add. I made her bite her thumb alot, and her knuckles, cause like, I do that too- Im not sure if that counts though-

Chloe:

Chloe is very grumpy because she has yet to figure out what stim she even wants to do (It's feeling). Someone get this wolf some chewlery or somethin she refuses to use it cause she's a stubborn bitch(hah) and apparently they're not pretty enough.

Aurore:

Wings go flap flap and her brain goes BRRRRRRRR- also I think she wants to play with Sabrina's tail too much she's very unsure how to ask.

Kagami:

Kagami just likes pressure related ones. A good squish has her very content. Someone lay on her. Like. Like a cat. Yknow?

Marc:

Mark likes to bonk his horns on things when available, or if he can tug it in someone's grip. Like rams. Yknow? Grab. Also stomp on ground with hoof. Just. Stomp stomp, yknow?

And bonus:

Rose is actually music based. Loves having music going at all times in her ears if able. It's why the bells don't really bother her too much, like I can see her walking around and the jingling has a certain 'beat' to it and she gets very excited suddenly and says she has to write something down cause she was humming along and she just had a music idea.

And like

Kim, kim, also, according to my source, swimming can count? Cause of the nice, of the, like the water helps stop a lot of stimulation while also doing the weightless feel? Water feels nice on feathers for him. That's cool! I can also see him just, shakem, shake a the warms.

[ruvigapo]

If you're looking animation prompts I would love to see some other wild magic surge misadventures (mostly because I think about the adorable potted plant piece A LOT). Perchance feather beard? Butterflies? Turning blue? All have such potential to be adorable.

No pressure, just love your art!

HI YOU! I MADE IT!! ^^)b

This was a great prompt I had fun with it (as much time as it took me lol) I learnt a LOT and Honestly I can’t wait to animate More like.. it’s SO MUCH FUN

I made these into separate posts but this one is my favourite so <3 <3 <3 have a blushing essek bc i love him and he’s a sweetheart so ;;;;;<3<3

ALSO !! IF I MAY: Look at his lil hair floof !!! And his earrings!! I’m Especially happy with those. They have that Subtle movement i’m going for in my animations that are kinda hard to get right X’))

|| support me on ko-fi<3 ||

[junicai]

applause.

| order no. | 10/21

| summary | While filming for NCT2020, Aria fears her interview partner is coming down with a fever. Spoiler alert: He’s not. 

| word count | 1.8k

| warnings | None

| era | circa. December 2020

a/n: ok so i figured i’d mark my return to posting with a lil floof for the soul :) before i ruin it again :) so here u go here are two idiots being idiots :)

Oftentimes, it was easy to forget just how many members NCT had amassed over the years.  With the sub-units separated the majority of the time for their own promotions; the odds were that if you weren’t in a sub-unit with another member, you’d rarely interact with them outside of the company walls. 

NCT2020 was incredible in that sense. Twenty three boys and one girl, all in one room, singing the same songs and performing together. The impact left on the spring-flooring when they danced as a group physically shook the mirrors. 

They had a reputation to uphold; something which every single member took as seriously as a blood oath. 

Aria, over the years, had formed bonds with most of the other boys. She hadn’t really had much of a choice in the matter; it was either, make friends with the people around you, or have no friends at all. It was lucky, in that sense, that they were all so warm and welcoming. She found her home in the 127 dorms, and later, her family with the Dreamies. She wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

The fact remained, however, that when it came to Aria and WAYV - there was a gap. Be it because of the differing promotional schedules, or the fact that SM had point blank refused to acknowledge WAYV as a sub-unit of NCT up until the announcement of the NCT2020 promotions; the bottom line was, Aria didn’t know half of the members beyond their first name.

So, when the randomized name selection came out, and she was paired with Xiaojun; Aria took a deep breath, and reminded herself that this was a chance to start to form some new relationships.

She’d never been all too good at making friends as a child - always a little too shy, and then all of a sudden far too abrasive in a lost attempt to compensate for her earlier quietness. 

Sitting beside the boy in question, Aria left her hands tucked beneath her thighs to prevent herself from fidgeting. The air between the two vocalists was thick; and Aria found herself looking around desperately for Mark or Ten or hell even Yuta, even though she knew Dejun was significantly more scared of him than her.

Anything to break the awkward, stifling silence that was hanging over the both of them.

“Do you-”

“Hey, I-”

They turned to face each other at the same time, sentences blending together before being cut off abruptly. Aria’s face flamed beneath the foundation, and by the darkening tips of Dejun’s ears, she could tell his cheeks were flushing as well. 

“Go ahead.” He gestured with a nod. 

“No no, it’s okay! What were you saying?” Aria disagreed. 

“Uh, I was just wondering if you feel the breeze as well?” Dejun questioned, hands coming to tug his light jacket around his shoulders tighter. “It’s giving me goosebumps,” He laughed lightly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Aria frowned. “No? It’s quite warm in here I thought.” The pair were surrounded with several lamps that were shining large bulbs onto their faces. With the heat from them, and the blanket that she had tucked over the legs, Aria was toasty warm - but a quick glance at the thin material Dejun’s jacket was made out of had her untucking the corner and folding it out again. 

“Here,” She offered, holding out the edge of the blanket. 

“Oh no I can’t,” Dejun began to refuse, but a shiver ran down his spine, cutting his words up into pieces. 

Aria raised an eyebrow. He relented.

“Thank you.” He acquiesced, once the soft material had been laid over his lap. He was still shivering lightly, but the body-shaking tremors had worn off, so Aria was better pleased than she was a minute ago. 

“Okay!” A voice called from outside the set. “It’s just an interview, like you were both briefed. Feel free to take it where you want and - Aria can you just -” The director gestured to Dejun. “Don’t sit so far away, people will think you’re scared of him.” He teased. 

Coughing lightly, Aria scooched towards Dejun, the blanket bunching up in-between their legs. She could feel him leaning back slightly, as if he was afraid of their faces being too close together. 

“Little more.” He insisted, now peering at the two through the viewfinder of the camera. 

Aria shuffled into the middle of the set’s sofa, her knee lightly brushing Dejun’s thigh. 

“Better! Now just don’t look like someone’s about to shoot you.” 

Aria opened her mouth before schooling her expression back into something less, terrified. “Sorry!”

This close, she could see the light flush that sat high on Dejun’s cheeks. His eyes were slightly glassy, and his chest was moving at a moderately quicker pace than it had been a few minutes ago. 

Aria placed a hand on his arm, lightly, patting the exposed skin where he had rolled up the sleeves. 

The filming went as well as it could. As they were told prior to entering the set; it was just a couple questions on how they were getting on together as a group, what it was like performing as a mix of all twenty three members, recounting some entertaining tidbits from the practice room or from behind stage. 

Over the next hour, the icy feeling that had surrounded the two vocalists melted into a comfortable conversation, soon drifting away from the interview questions and flowing sweetly into a little chat that czennies were sure to adore. 

With Dejun now turned to face Aria completely, and Aria sitting back with her shoes kicked off and her feet tucked beneath her; they were solely focused on each other; like the cameras had stopped rolling a half hour ago (They hadn’t) and they were old friends, catching up (They weren’t).

Aria learnt that Dejun had a penchant for green tea lattes, and the number eight. He slept on the top bunk, and was a lot funnier than his members gave him credit for. 

Dejun learnt that Aria was a lot more accident prone than her ‘professional image’ would let on, that she has a dimple on her right cheek when she smiles, that when she smiles she beams - bright enough to beat out a lightbulb - and that her favourite colour was yellow and she still looked at the stars when she got homesick.

Aria learnt that Dejun wanted to travel to Paris one day, that he wanted to learn how to bake bread properly and that he stayed up too late playing games only to regret it the next morning every single time. 

Dejun learnt that Aria had an addicting laugh; and he wanted to hear it as many times as he could. That he wishes she’d let herself laugh for longer; that she wouldn’t lift her hand to cover her face as she giggled.

His cheeks flushed brighter, the tips of his ears now a bright red. 

“Dejun? Are you alright?” Aria leant forwards into his space, her face moving closer to his. She had noticed the poor boy’s flush over the course of the last hour; but the pink was slowly becoming a deep red, and her concern was deepening with it.

Dejun immediately pulled back; floundering. “Yeah! Yup, yes, absolutely fine.” 

“Pardon?” 

“I’m doing wonderful! Are you alright? Aria?” Dejun flipped the question on her, sweat beginning to bead beneath his fringe. 

Aria squinted at him, relenting. “I’m okay, yeah. Are you still cold?” 

“No!” The reply was sharp, and she jerked back a little. 

“Oh- okay- sorry?” Aria pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, worrying the skin lightly. 

Dejun could have punched himself in the face, but he settled for pinching himself beneath the blanket where it was out of sight.

“Aaand, cut!” 

The two vocalists turned to the director who was grinning madly. “That was perfect, you two. I don’t know what you did, or where you pulled that from, but you’re definitely the best duo we’ve had in here so far.” 

Aria didn’t think that was hard, there had only been two other groups in before them, but she kept these words wisely to herself. 

“You’re both free to go! I’ll expect to be seeing a lot more of you together though, this is going to go down an absolute treat.” The director’s smug little grin reminded Aria of a cat who had gotten the cream; and her own little grin formed to match it.

“Thank you,” The two bowed lightly towards the staff, before collecting their things from the set and shuffling towards the door again. Once outside, they were silent again - but this time the lack of noise was not unsettling. 

“Hey I-”

“What about-”

Dejun and Aria looked at each other momentarily, before bursting out into laughter. 

“Okay that has to stop.” She giggled, hand coming to rest on his arm. 

“Agreed,” Dejun coughed out, ears flushing one final time. 

“You sure you’re feeling alright? You looked a little flushed back inside; that’s all.” 

“Fine!” He squeaked. “It must have been, uh, the lights, or something. Yeah.”

Aria puffed her cheeks out, but made no further comment.

Pulling away, she slipped her feet into the runners she was wearing for the interview - uncaring as to whether or not she’d accidentally break the backs of them. They were old ones, anyway, ones she’d been gifted as part of a brand deal that had fallen through; no wonder, she thought, as the shoes really were all look and no practicality. They were the least comfortable shoe she owned - and Aria owned a lot of uncomfortable shoes. 

“’Til next time?” She straightened up, head turned to Dejun.

He nodded, going to extend a hand as Aria stepped forward to wrap her arms around him in a hug. 

What followed, was a painstakingly awkward hand-body-shuffle-jerk dance that left Aria’s face flushed red from embarrassment and Dejun’s desire for the ground to open up and swallow him whole growing to immense proportions. 

Eventually, Dejun moved away, waved, turned on his heel and borderline sprinted away back down the hallway before Aria had a chance to return the wave. He rounded the corner, slowing to a stop in anticipation of slamming his head into the wall. However, thinking against it, Dejun instead turned to put his back to the wall, sinking down against it; lifting a hand to smack himself in the forehead. 

“Idiot.” 

[thecrowswillfindme]

A rundown of all my Skyrim ocs

No one asked, I just wanted to, also no one but me will probably understand

1. best mum TM Mal

Adopted So many kids

Trying her best running things

Werewolf mama

Will kill for her babies

That one lion meme “They’re so cute I want to touch them..but I won’t”

2. Loveable Dragonborn Daviln

ADHD golden retriever husband

V forgetful/ easily distracted (got side tracked and missed his wedding) (he made it up dw) (he just followed the questing dopamine)

Married to quintus and loves him so much

Big dad energy

Has trauma around falmer the poor Babi

3.Not so loveable Dragonborn Kreet

Short

Doesn’t like being short

Very angee

Sarcastic is his only language

Trans boi and will cut out the tongues of anyone who misgenders him❤️

Assassin boi

Complete opposite of Daviln basically

4. Slightly twisted childhood friend Ril

Imperial companion

Best friends with farkas and vilkas

Lil cruel but it’s ok

Left by dad for the war like farkas and vilkas so brought up by kodlack

Very in love with his girlfriend Ingun black briar (maven doesn’t know cuz both of them a lil scared) (ingun petname nightshade) (rils is puppy or loveable wolf)

Very long hair he is very proud of

5. Omg help her mum Brym

Adopted chaotic son because they’re both mixed race

Nord and high elf, not great couple in the Great War but very nice couple still

Someone let her have a break

Pining for aela poor dear

Cannot control the son

6. Chaotic lizard wolf hybrid son Ryk

Half argonian half wood elf

Scales talons ears and a tail (with no scales weirdly)

He may be small but in his chaos causing abilities he’s great

Fucks with the companions all the time

BFFs with Lucia

The punssssss

7. Pretty noble half breed Luna

Homeless until pushed in front of dunmer nobles by crowl as kids

Adopted bc she has vitiligo between her dunmer cornflower blue skin and her wood elf tan

Very pretty, very nice

Quite often mistaken for stupid

She lived on the streets for 8 years, she will end you

Pinning for crowl

Does not know crowl is pinning back

8. He is pinning half breed Crowl

Mercenary

Very sensible

Always feels responsible for everyone because of trauma ✨

Very bad romantically( someone help the boy pleaseee)

Half high elf half orc so toll boi

Has both the ears and the teeth

9. Needs her death revenged for half breed Allimi

Another of the half breed gang

Kidnapped by some bullies when they were all kids and sold to some bandits

Not nice things ensued

Dies in a dog ring

Was so nice and sweet

Half orc half dunmer

Crowl will avenge her death tho

The bandits will not be having fun

10. Get your dog away from me it don’t bite yes it do half breed Illec

Also kidnapped by bullies, but survived the bandits..physically

Mentally not so much

Kinda crazy

Locked in solitude dungeons long term

Crowl visits him lots

God someone get a therapist for this poor boi

There you go✨

EDIT NO I FORGOT MY FLOOF SON

11. Never trust him with your septims Keleith

Kajeet

Best friends with ril

Met when he was begging in windhelm as a kit and got robbed by the local nord teens and Ril on a trip with the companions beat them up and gave his bag back without a word

Keleith promised himself to find the stranger and pay him back

He tries to follow his family’s paw prints by being a trader

He loses money faster then a sieve losing water

He tries so so hard

He fails even harder

Does eventually meet Ril and they become quite good friends ironically (wolf and cat)

Ingun doesn’t like Keleith because he’s always in some sort of scheme that will eventually fail

Scared of his own shadow tbh

A literal scaredy cat

12. Old man Tyr

Oldest oc

Retired Dragonborn of his au

Last person alive from when he started in all factions

Lives in a small Dwemer ruin in the reach he piltched and made over

Keeps a pet dwarven centurion he tried repairing to fight for him called Dave (kinda just walks around, only sort of recognises audible sounds)

Always says he’s “at his last war dog” as he always said 13 war dogs and he would die since he was young

His 13th war dog Lecky is now old too but stays by Tyr’s side

Half expects Alduin to meet him at his death

Would like to go to sovanguard but as an imperial he is unsure he will (he does though, as even if he wasn’t born nord he was a nord hero at heart)

[villainsblog97]

NCT as Your Boyfriend

This is gonna be the LONGEST BF scenario I’ve ever done!!! O.O

Warnings: Maybe some language? some PG-13 Content 

Scenario: BF, Romance, Angst if you squint -.-....fluffy (TO THE MAX) 

HERE     WE    GO! 

Taeyong

Our Brave leader!

Taeyong might look, tough, scary, and totally sexy and charismatic

BUT

He’s nothing but a big floof

Especially for you...his girl 

Taeyong would be nothing but a sweetheart to you!

He would be the kind of boyfriend to make cookies with you at 2 in the morning because you were hungry and had a sweet tooth. 

I also see him just melting over everything you do! 

EVERYTHING

He loves making you laugh, and you love making him laugh

He is always making sure you’re happy and healthy

Like one day he’ll make you some Ramyun, then the next day he’s making you some detoxing tea and a nice fresh salad

You are his world.

Fights happen, but oh so rarely

But when they do

Our lil Bubu is a mess

He can’t focus, he can’t think straight

All he can think of is how your face looked

He has to make things right with you

And of course he does.

Overall he would be the best Boyfriend ever! 

Kun

Kun is definitely more of your best friend 

But he gets to cuddle and kiss you too 

Kun loves you to no end

And he will let the entire damn dorm know about it

He’s the leader of WayV 

God help him

You’re the only thing that keeps him sane

But you can bet that this boy will hype you up on everything

He’ll stare at his phone, smiling like an idiot 

Lucas: what’s he all smiley for?

WinWin: What else??

He also loves his magic tricks on you

Pulls flowers out of a hat for you

Definitely 

Like Taeyong, fights rarely happen

But if they do

Kun is gonna do something totally hilarious to make up with you

Something you can’t help but laugh at.

I see Lucas and YangYang involved in it too

Once you two have made up, he’s glued to you

He just wants to love you and you alone

Taeil

Taeil is kind of hard to read, because we don’t see a lot of content with him

But I see him being a pretty chill boyfriend 

He supports you in everything 

and he loves to spoil you

Always buying something that reminds him of you 

He also loves taking you out to restaurants 

Like the ones you get all dressed up for

Taeil also loves you in dresses

He just looks like he would like dresses 

He also can do fun dates too

Like the amusement park

He just wants to see you happy

If you have fights 

It’s hella serious 

You guys need some time away from each other

Until about 3 in the morning when he’s calling you and pouring his heart out

You have no choice but to forgive him

Mostly because he hates sleeping without you

Like I said he only wants to see you happy 

Johnny

Our Chicago boy is DEFINITELY a romantic!

You are his girl

And he’ll make sure everyone knows that 

I get the feeling he would love holding your hand

Like everywhere

You are his queen 

He’s always gotta show you off

“Wow... who is that beautiful woman??? Oh right, that’s my girlfriend!”

He loves making you blush too 

Always giving compliments to you

He tells you he loves you 24/7 

Cuddling is his favorite 

and because he’s so tall 

(Yep you guessed it)

Lots of forehead kisses

It’s healing for both of you

I can’t see you guys fighting a lot

It’s more like little bickers and arguments 

He will do whatever it takes to keep that smile 

Your smile is his favorite feature on you

Johnny Suh is a 1,000/10 Boyfriend 

Yuta 

Much like Taeil 

He loves spoiling you 

Dates are mandatory for our Japan boy

He’ll do just about anything with you 

I feel like he would love buying little plushies for you

Don’t ask why

He’ll call and text you every chance he gets 

If he’s on tour

Video calls

Counts down the days til he get’s back to you 

Loves hugging and holding you

You absolutely love his smile

Who doesn’t???

Yuta doesn’t look like he would be too much into PDA 

but when you guys are alone

He’s stuck to you like glue

He can’t fight with you 

It’s just not in his nature

If you guys do

There’s gonna be tears 

From both of you 

He’ll just hold you and tell you how sorry he is 

He love you so much and never wants to lose you

Doyoung

I’m not gonna get into how he looked in this MV

Okay

Doyoung is precious

Doyoung is sassy

and he also has a really strong RBF (resting b*tch face)

So Dating Doyoung would be...... a challenge 

He would be the best boyfriend 

but at the same time you’re questioning it 

not in a bad way of course 

I feel like he would be very blunt with you 

You come out in a long yellow dress

“Doyoung how does this look??”

“You look like a banana” o.O

.....

But then! 

He would suggest his favorite dress that looks absolutely stunning on you

He would even pull it out of your closet 

“This one... you look so beautiful in this one”

He won’t apologize for the insult

but his eyes will make up for the comment

When he’s having a bad day he’ll just want to hold you

Doesn’t matter where 

He loves it when you hold him too

Running your fingers in his hair

Because he’s so savage, fights could be often

But he does make up for them and this time he will apologize 

He also loves slow and long kisses 

He loves to feel you 

He loves you.

Ten 

Ten literally bias wrecked himself into my bias list 

Now this boy is more than just a beautiful dancer 

He’s shown that in past couple years now

Ten is a total weirdo too

You love that 

He’ll make you smile and laugh on your worst days 

He loves making you laugh

but he can also be super romantic 

I see him being a flower petal guy 

Getting a hot bath prepared for you 

He’s just a gentleman 

He also loves cracking up jokes with you

Always calls you baby

and always telling you he loves you

if a fight happens 

I can see it going two ways

the first being very emotional 

lots of tears 

The other way

(PG-13)

An aggressive make-out session 

Like you two are so mad at each other that it becomes sexual tension

and you two have to get rid of it

Anywhooo

after your night (hint hint wink wink)

You both lay in each other’s arms, promising to not fight again.

Or maybe fight, if it ends like that

Jaehyun

My bias wrecker! 

Okay Jaehyun is already like the ultimate boyfriend material 

So you know he’s gonna meet all the qualifications 

Why do I see him loving to go shopping with you?

Any kind of shopping

Clothes shopping, grocery shopping, even shoe shopping 

like his hyungs

he too loves to spoil you

with everything

anything he buys you, you treasure it.

He loves taking you out and showing you off to the world 

He makes sure no guy even looks at you wrong.

He gets jealous really easy 

“I don’t like that guy...” *pouty face*

“Well that’s my cousin so you have to like him a little”

“.....”

If you two fight it’s for something serious

maybe he’s working too much

or you feel like you never get to see him.

He can usually stay really calm during the fight 

He tries to listen to you as much as he can.

When you’re standing there yelling at him out of frustration

He’ll just walk up to you and hug you.

“Let’s not fight anymore, let’s just stay like this for a minute” 

WinWin

Like Taeil we don’t get to see much of our boy

but he is still there!

And to you

He’s the only one

I get the feeling that WinWin would be a very shy and cute boyfriend

Like he asks you for everything he wants to do

Asks to hold your hand

He never wants to make you feel uncomfortable 

Always asks you where you want to eat

He takes his time learning all about you

He probably blushes more than you do

And he loooooves hugs

You in his arms is the best feeling ever! ^_^

I feel like it would take A LOT to make him mad 

so your fights would be almost non existent 

When he’s away from you

He’ll send you a ton of snaps!

Miss you so much beautiful

He’ll wait for hours until you reply 

“She’s not answering” *sad eyes* 

“Dude it’s like 3 in morning in Seoul! she’s probably asleep”

Lots of good morning / night texts

He would be an adorable boyfriend!

Jungwoo

Lord help me...

My bean!

Okay so Jungwoo is a literal squish

So being your boyfriend

Is like the biggest UWU fest ever!

He is so whipped for you 

All the members will give him hell for it

You aren’t just the love of his life

You are his EVERYTHING

My heart is gonna hurt

His favorite word to call you is Jagiya 

There it goes >.<

Can you actually pick a fight with this boy??

He probably would get seriously emotional

He is also one who gives you a lot of plushies and flowers 

Bubble Tea dates

Arcade dates

He loves spending time with you 

He pouts when you can’t go to shows with them

Because he wants you to how cool he is on stage.

Jungwoo would be the ultimate squishy boyfriend

Lucas

This little Sh*t... -_-

Okay so this boy takes pride in making you flustered AF

It’s his job

He’s a flirt

He’a tease

You’re constantly yelling at him.

“LUCAS STOP!” 

He just laughs it off

Okay now hear me out

This boy will kiss your neck and growl in your ear

Just to get a squeal out of you

You neck all cringed up 

But he can also treat you like a princess

He loves holding your hand in public areas 

He wants people to know who you belong to

He’s not afraid of PDA 

When you two fight, if can actually get a little scary

Lucas has a deep voice and it gets husky when he’s mad 

You’re not turned on by it at all 

That’s probably where it will end

“You really piss me off sometimes” 

“Yeah and you do too!” 

Boom... making out 

At the end of the night you two still love each other and would do anything for each other. 

Mark

My boy! Loved him since Cherry Bomb! (first MV I saw)

Okay so like Jaehyun

Mark is already boyfriend material

He loves you beyond words 

So Mark is definitely a cuddle bug

He will fall asleep holding onto you

and if you are having a bad day 

He’ll lay you down on his bed, sit beside you and play his guitar

He loves playing with your hair

He’s tried failed to put it in a ponytail 

Mark is always trying to make you laugh 

He loves hearing it

He definitely calls you babe a lot

He likes to show you his parts in his songs (127, dream, U and Super M)

Fights with him would be small

and short 

He would try to end them as fast as they started 

If he can’t he’ll wait til you’ve calmed down a little before coming into your room, playing your favorite song on his guitar

He never sleeps without you

That’s why he always gets a little sad when he has to go on tour 

So you two video call until one of you falls asleep

I need a Make Lee >.<

Xioajun

I’m becoming utterly whipped for this boy

Okay 

Xioajun is also a romantic 

He also looks a really good kisser

So with that said

He will kiss you every chance he gets

This boy will treat you like absolute royalty

He will also call you princess 

I mean Xioajun himself looks like a prince

He also loves back hugs 

Like while you’re in the kitchen and he just comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist

Lots of cheek kisses that would trail down to your neck 

(Deep inhale and exhale)

A fight would only happen if you initiate it

If you told him he did something he would run over a hug you before you could walk away

It would be like a scene from a kdrama 

He would hold you for a second before you turned around to return the hug that lead to a kiss and an apology.

Hendery

One of the biggest crackheads in NCT and WAYV 

So obviously 

You’re gonna have a crack head boyfriend

Hendery is more than likely from another planet

Or at least that’s what you feel like

You are his baby

He makes sure you know too

“My baby!!!” (He is so loud XD)

You’re always questioning what he’s doing

He loves making you laugh too

So he’ll be doing something totally weird just to get a giggle out of you

“Aha! you smiled!” 

I think it’s impossible to fight with him 

I think if it were to happen 

It would be weird

Like you two aren’t actually fighting 

and eventually you two would just bust up laughing 

he looks like the kind to always hold your face when he kisses you

like his hand on your face, or lifting your chin to kiss you

he also looks like a good kisser too

Renjun

I feel like Renjun would ultimately be an amazing boyfriend

So you are his first priority 

ALL

THE

TIME

He is so caring of you

and he loves being around you 

He could be practicing and he sees you coming into the room

Everything stops

“Hold up! my girl is here!”

He also loves taking you on dates 

Fancy dates

Movie dates are his favorite though

I can’t see you two fighting a lot but if it does

He is gonna cry

(Please no one hurt him)

He’ll go to his hyungs for advice 

Then he’ll show up in front of you

Face all puffy

Eyes all red 

(My heart is breaking)

He’ll apologize so many times 

You have no choice to hug him and forgive him

He’ll feel relieved when he feels your arms around him

Then he spendss the rest of the day with you

Ultimate boyfriend!

Jeno

Jeno is total baby

so granted

He’s your baby

I feel like is adorably clingy

Like always needs to be touching you

Holding you

Whines when you have to leave your cuddle fest 

Pouts when you won’t kiss him

but then 

He can take charge on you

He was the one that asked you out

He initiated the first kiss

But he just likes being all soft and squishy around you

If the day ever comes that you two argue or yell at each other

Its definitely short

He will return to his baby act and bat those little eyes at you until you give in to him

Much like Hendery, you two kind of just laugh it off

Then you two are back 

Who can resist those eyes

Lets be real

No one can

Haechan

THIS BOY

He’s obviously spent too much time with Doyoung

He’s savage 2.0

But he loves you to no end

You two definitely have video game dates

He gets mad when you win

“Psht! I let you win...”

*Dramatic eye roll* 

He doesn’t let you live any of your embarrassments down

He’ll tease the shit out of you

He is the most extra boyfriend ever

You literally cannot take him anywhere

But no one else gets to mess with you

That’s his job

If someone tries to prank you

It’s on!

“This is my woman, no one else messes with her but me!”

“...”

Now don’t get me wrong

He still takes care of you

If you’ve had a bad day, or a fight with him

He’ll hold you in his arms

Gently rock you back and forth 

Sing sweet ballads in your ear

(Writing this is making my heart ache!!!)

Maybe he’ll mess up the notes just to make you laugh

Start singing off key

“Haha! My baby laughed!” 

You love this dork to the moon and back.

Jaemin

(Lord give me strength)

Okay Jaemin is also the ultimate boyfriend

This boy would treat you like absolute royalty

He is so in love with you

It’s almost sickening 

He can’t go a day without you

If he does

It drives him crazy 

He’ll sends you so many pics and videos 

Telling you how much he misses you or loves you

This boy is a big lover

He will show you it 24/7

Kisses all the time

He can’t help it

He craves your taste, your touch

He craves you 

(This is making crazy O.O )

He loves it when you wear his hoodies

He melts with everything you do

He can’t help it

Jaemin can’t fight with you either 

He’ll just ask you to please stop fighting 

Also hold you in his arms until you’ve calmed down 

He also loves playing with your hair 

Loves the feeling of your soft locks

He will cuddle the hell out of you

I’m not saying I want a Na Jaemin

But that’s exactly what I’m saying.

YangYang

Our boy YangYang would also be a total goofball

He’s such a cutie

And he takes pride in that

Like Jeno

He is your baby

and you love it so much

But he’s more like a baby that flirts with you 

He’ll say little sentences in German too

and won’t tell you what he said

“Please tell me what you said!!”

“That ruins the fun” 

“Babe!”

He will love to tease you 

All the time

He laughs at you for everything too

You just make him giggle

Especially when you want to know what he said in German and he won’t tell you

Like a lot of the members 

I can’t see you two getting into a lot of fights

I just can’t 

If there ever comes a day where he does tell you what he said in German

Let’s be real

It’s probably dirty...

Shotaro

We don’t know much about Shotaro

Except that he’s FREAKING ADORABLE

But I feel like he would be very similar to Renjun

He just spoils you rotten

You are his princess 

He loves to hug you too

Lots of hugs

and cuddles

(Give me strength!!! >.<)

He is also loves shopping with you too

He looks like snackin boy! 

So lots of snacks 

and movie dates

Okay another ultimate boyfriend 

No one better ever hurt this boy

Or I’ll fight you! (ง'̀-'́)ง

So on that note

no fights

Because I can’t imagine his sad face

Please protect him

We must protect him!!!

Sungchan

I get the feeling that Sungchan would also be like a combination of Mark and Jaemin

He loves you like a best friend

but also like a queen 

And again

Because he’s so tall

More fore head kisses

And lots of hugs too

He loves putting his arms around you

He’ll put your arms around his waist and then wrap his arms around you 

Tall people just make you feel secure

He too is very difficult to fight with 

Its also more like bickers or arguements

(Ah Young love)

He loves movie dates too

Just curled up on the couch

Buried in blankets

Snacks all around you

He is just the best.

Chenle

First thing’s first

PREPARE YOUR EAR DRUMS

This boy is so loud

But he’s a giggle box

And he loves it when you make him laugh

He also loves to make you laugh too

He seems like a chill one too

and he’s always singing to you

Chenle looks like a cuddler too

and a tickler

He’ll do whatever it takes to hear your laugh

He is also a sweet heart too

Always buying you food, and snacks

He wants to keep you happy

I can see him loving picnics

But he’s very underrated 

So he needs reassurance a lot from you

You always tell him he’s doing well

No fights from you guys

But you guys can be away from each other 

Only for a little bit though

Then he has to see you

He’s been without you too long

Jisung

Our little baby

Ain’t so much a baby anymore ㅠ.ㅠ

So this boy 

You’re his first love

So he doesn’t want to mess anything up

He wants to only make you happy

But he’s never dated before

So he isn’t sure all the time on what you guys should do.

He’s got 22 hyungs

They’ll help him out

Okay maybe not Haechan...or Hendery...

He really like to hold your hand 

I feel like he wouldn’t be too much into PDA

He likes to be alone with you

If any of the members tease him

He’s gonna get flustered AF

Lots of facepalms when the guys are around giving him a hard time

He’s their baby, they aren’t use to seeing him with his arm around a girl

or giving her kisses

or cuddling her on the couch

If you guys get into a fight 

He’s gotta ask everyone how to make up for it

So there he is

At your door

Flowers and giant teddy bear 

He’s really shy and tripping on his words

So of course you forgive him shortly after he stars stuttering words out to you

He’s growing up too fast!!! >.<  

(WHEW! Made it!! hope you guys enjoyed it! let me know what group I should do next! Please support NCT in their new album and Stream their MVs!)